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    dots Submission Name: Silencedots

    Author: Holy Wood
    ASL Info:    27/F/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.44 - 179/198/52
    Words: 239
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 835
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1401

       Ok.. this is something new I'm trying.. At the end, it's spaced b/c her mind is racing, was trying to protray that in my writing... Hope you like

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    She seen something no one was supposed to see
    One early morning while out for a stroll along the sea
    She heard something no one was supposed to hear
    Now all she knew was she needed to get out of here
    Before somebody figured out that she was near by
    It was time to tell the beautiful crashing waves good-bye
    Slowly and quietly she tried to flee but
    Suddenly she felt a painful sting in her butt
    She had been shot and didnt know what to do
    Tripping over her own shadow she fell face first in the dew
    Straining to see how many there were she could only see two
    Now it wasn't just her butt hurting but her heart was too
    Sweating and fighting back tears she tried to stand up
    The men were in her face yelling at her to stand the fuck up
    Crying she stumbled backwards even though she was sore
    Oh God how she was wishing she had wings and could soar
    Over their heads and right out of there
    Leaving them behind with their
    Ugly clothes they wear
    Not caring where
    She went as long as she would be
    Away from them, alone as could be
    Reality stuck her like a pin
    She realized they had put her in a pen
    Dead bodies laying everywhere
    Not wanting to move anywhere
    She curled into a ball
    The men were laughing, having a ball

    Submitted on 2006-11-08 14:48:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this starts ok ('she seen' should be 'she saw') but you kind of end it abruptly. there's more here to explore. keep going with this.

    peace, love and all that other junk,

    | Posted on 2006-11-10 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      ok this was cool in the begining but u lost it at the end don t know what u tring, but I think this is ment to be together n no spacen I think, but I want to reade the next paragraph of the story.
    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]

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