Description: I had an argument and felt on the verge of being pulled in half. this is what came of it.
Sodom and Gomorrah -------------------------------------------
I stand divided
Like Sodom and Gomorrah
By the Old testamentís
Wrathful unforgiving God
I wish to flee
Made me look behind
A pillar of salt
I will be
Locked in position
Trying to weather
Melting under the kiss
Of the rain
a lot of people knock Lot and his Wife for the way they lived their lives... for the decisions they made that got them where they did...
i dont know... sometimes i think they, like many others, were misunderstood.
i mean... is it not simple human nature to do what you are told not to...?
when we see wet paint or cement somehow we just have to touch it to PROVE that it is wet... i dont know why... always testing the boundaries.
so when they were told not to look back well... it seems a natural reaction somehow.
and they were the most upright of their wicked towns... god rescued them from the towns before he destroyed them which must show him to be somewhat loving right...?
and yes... he was wrathful... i would be too if ppl were blatantly ignoring me.
i know you wrote this a while ago but i really do think, with a couple of little adjustments, this could be a brilliant piece.
think about punctuation. i dont think this piece suits no punctuation. i think you would make the salt taste saltier if you punctuated this piece. to seperate ideas/images...
i like most of your line breaks. it would seem you have given some thought to them and they certainly maximise the potential of the words you have chosen.
i really like this idea. told from the wifes perspective... a voice not so often heard.
Ok bri, you need a comma after Wrathful, ok done being overly critical. This was wonderful, truly. I hate to think that you're being torn asunder by their arguments. But hey, You'll live, you're strong. I know that I'm probably the last person you should listen to in this(being that my choices seem to bring ruin to those around me), but I say that you should make a choice, put your feet on a path and walk, no looking back. That was the alternative to being salt, if I recall correctly. Even if the path you chose leads you through the chaos that envelops you, just know that you can get through it, if for no other reason than you have chosen to make a choice and, even if only until you hit solid ground, stick with it. I think all of that makes sense.
i'm loving the images of this...though someone that doesn't know this part of the bible would be left a bit confused. I like the idea of wrathful and unforgiving, considering the old testament was the eye for an eye era...though from a religious opinion, i wouldn't technically say He was wrathful and unforgiving...maybe just a lot more strict But how you've said it fits perfectly with the tone of the piece, so from a creative standpoint, I wouldnt change it. I also like the image of trying to weather a storm you know you can't defeat. Sometimes when things happen, such as this arguement you had, it's hard to stand up for what you believe and at the end not be left with nothing...but I think that if you compromise yourself just to save face, you still lose..so i spose in a sense you lose either way. I guess what it boils down to is which is the less important to lose, yourself or the potential aftermath of this arguement....i hope that makes sense.
well... with the exception of the wrathful unforgiving God... I like the idea of this altogether in a the sence that you used a biblical situation for a modern day situation.
i could relate to your situation and i feel for you. however, I do not know what the argument was about... i have had awkward, hopeless arguements that made me wonder if i was right for taking my side as well. but if thats not what you're even writing about... then just ignore me cus i just missed the entire point of this poem...