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    dots Submission Name: Fallen Rockdots

    Author: whispered_chaos
    ASL Info:    15/f./cincinnati ohio
    Elite Ratio:    6.8 - 151/94/48
    Words: 297
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1001
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2151

       well i had to write this one for english class, and i figured i may as well put it on here...haha i couldn't make it too gory...at least not this early in the year, the poor lady might not understand completely...but i think it turned out pretty

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFallen Rockdots

    Born from the shadows in a cliché rhyme
    That cannot be grasped by insignificant time
    She smiles with remorse, such longing she demands
    Wanton worries sulk out of her crippled hands
    For consequences stolen from her palms
    She wanders, as restlessness stills all of her qualms-
    Stone lips force a crack down her marble face
    Letting memories creep through the old they replace;

    Reverie, reverie
    My wizened companion
    Wistfully through your falsehoods I tread,
    When all of my terrors
    Have been drowned in wine
    And I realize that I've been misled.
    Morphing this poison
    A fusion of ecstasies-
    A remedy that bleeds not so red.

    Nails through her fragile shell skin
    Pierce holes in the wind of her delicate chains
    Beating her back as she glides across glass-
    Explicit tears hardened on the verge of suicide.
    Crumbling in her amber hands
    Thrive the smallest of maligned blackened vines
    Twisting their route along her concrete arms-
    Planting their roots in her garnet eyes
    Synthesizing their wonder
    With their diseased infections.
    Her shoulders go stiff, brittle, hollow
    Porcelain fragility mocking her frivility,
    Breaking her where she stands
    As her last breath pours out:
    A fire from her stone lips
    Of the most pallid of hues.
    Only remnants of rocks-
    Demolished and forgotten
    By her own timid intuition
    Standing weak forever
    In her fallen angel stance.

    Reverie, reverie
    My wizened companion
    Wistfully through your falsehoods I tread,
    When all of my terrors
    Have been drowned in wine
    And I realize that I've been misled.
    Morphing this poison
    A fusion of ecstasies-
    A remedy that bleeds not so red,
    Dancing on my treachery
    I will never greet the morning-
    I'm only a statue, for it's stone that I've bled.

    Submitted on 2006-11-08 21:02:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    First: Your extensive use of vocabulary is one of the qualities of this poem that adds to its greatness.
    You have the rhyme scheme down, you use the repetition of the second stanza, and overall, this is mad crazy good.

    excellent write, and I hope that your teacher gave you nothing lower than an A+ on this assignment.
    | Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is amazing, and i swear this is the first poem that has sooooo much description and vocabulary to describe anything.
    and, haha i think i have to agree about what you have to say about your old teacher not being able to handle it.
    i think ill add it to my favs because of how unique and graphic it is.

    | Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. bravo!!!! this is amazing.your teach better give you an a+ good stuff

    | Posted on 2006-12-03 00:00:00 | by rocker5871 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this one..a lot..I like how you broke it up in the middle with -forsaken- and the ending..just the last line of "Im only a statue, for its stone that I've bled" Theres just something about that line that really brings the whole thing out to you. I also liked how you repeated the lines..almost like a song but then added more at the end of the whole thing. It was just brilliant, keep it up! If the english teacher doesnt give you an A then im going to have a talk with her. ;)
    | Posted on 2006-11-10 00:00:00 | by Northern_light | [ Reply to This ]
      Very well done! My initial reaction to end rhyme is to break it up into specific patterns, though after re-reading a few times I think what you've done fits the mood and tone of the piece, sadness in general is a chaotic feeling of droning lulls and random sobbing, the pattern of rhyme and the absence of structure compliment each other well here. To see what words are evoked from an image is always amazing, though honestly a part of me wished, after reading the poem, that the image left in my mind was solely from words. Great work, mr.
    | Posted on 2006-11-08 00:00:00 | by mr. | [ Reply to This ]

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