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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Terrordots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sweet_rayne
    ASL Info:    25/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 493/464/111
    Words: 213
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 1006
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1325



    Description:
       um yeah just assumer what you want, nothing i can really say


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTerrordots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the dead of night
    She reaches for your hand
    Only to find your not there

    Your gone away and left her world
    As her loneliness makes her cry
    But the past cannot be undone

    For many months her hearts been
    Locked up tight all because
    Of the absence of light.

    She’s lost and lonely and
    Broken beyond repair but
    No one should care

    Her dignity is ripped
    To shreds once again she
    She never thought it could happen again

    But that night in hopes of
    Once again finding light
    Of finding love that really is right

    She let herself trust much too soon
    And barely escaped with her life
    The marks of her shame lay vividly upon her copper skin

    The marks of a monster
    Who came to claim what
    She could not give

    And not a soul did she tell
    But instead lays in her bed frightened
    For twice this shame was there

    The marks have healed upon her flesh
    And hot tears filled showers have cleansed her skin
    But her mind will not let her rest

    For in her mind the terror plays
    Her personal instant replay of a
    Crime she hopes to lay to rest




    Submitted on 2006-11-09 16:00:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The pure pain of this piece shows me that you have been in this situation or been close to someone that was in this situation. Whichever happens to be true I am sorry for noone deserves that much pain. The piece also shows your ability to write a variety of different feelings into your poetry.


    Sage
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I can't realy say anything that hasn't been said, yes an amazing write, you capture pain and sorrow so well.

    You have a comment that this is about an abused child, yet as I can see where the reader could think that I personally can see many stories could be played from this work.

    The imagery and obliqueness of the wording makes for such a powerful piece.
    I love the way you lead with emotion not with facts.

    May I ask? It would be an honour if you could give me a hint or just some advice on how to portray emotion as you do.
    If, as has been suggested, it comes all from exerience I apologise and do not wish to ask any more.

    | Posted on 2006-12-31 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
      First off, I'd like to state that I really enjoyed reading this poem. However, I have found a few miniscule mistakes.

    On your second stanza, first line, "Your" should be "You've" I think.
    Third stanza, first line, "hearts" should be "heart's".
    Fifth stanza, second line, "she" probably shouldn't be there.

    I think that's it, but as for the meaning of it, your poem was touching. Great write, and a sad read.

    Aken Sol
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by Aken Sol | [ Reply to This ]
      A dark and very sad write from you Joy. Well crafted though, with much elegance and skill.

    This added to the poignancy of it.

    Superb as always.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-11-12 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      This write brought tears to my eyes
    This is so sad
    I didnt know you were referring to an abused child until the very end
    Thats when the tears started to flow
    You did an incredible job with this
    If this happenend to you I know you feel much better after putting your thoughts into words
    Brilliant write!!!
    I will be Praying for you my Friend
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      wow im not sure if im right about what this peice is so im not going to say, but is this peice about you or someone else? eitehr way it is a really great write,
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by chikaz4life | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    124405

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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