Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Just a Womandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Fougene
    ASL Info:    17/m/Saskatoon Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.57 - 23/22/39
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 667
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 759



    Description:
       Another poem from a long time ago.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust a Womandots
    -------------------------------------------


    She's just a woman,
    But she captures my gaze like no other woman;
    But she enthralls my mind like no other woman;
    But she steals my heart like no other woman.

    She's just human,
    But she brings my joy like no other human;
    But she grants me happiness like no other human;
    But she makes me love like no other human.

    She's just like me,
    But she can live without someone she loves;
    But she doesn't stay awake late at night thinking about her love;
    But she knows her loved one loves her back.

    But she's just a picture on the wall,
    An image in my head,
    A stranger walking past me everyday,
    A love story unfinished.




    Submitted on 2006-11-09 20:23:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like reading the male side of love...because it's something I don't understand...and probally never will...It's nice to know that you guys can feel the same way that we do about love...even though you always seem to have trouble expressing it to us...you may say that you love us...but when it is expressed like this it means and shows just a little more...Woman wear their emotions right out on their sleeves...while you men seem to lock them away...just so you can seem strong...but to me a strong man can express his feelings like this and make me feel safe all at the same time...GREAT WRITE...and I don't think this needs a rewrite...because like I've said so many times before...in so many other comments that I've left...poetry can be whatever you want it to be...you can write it however the hell it comes out...it doesn't EVER have to be perfect...because well...nobody's perfect...and emotions are never EVER perfect...they always seemed to be jumbled and a mess...why do you think there are so many people in this world who are confused and lonely...I think that the sooner people on this site realize that poetry is never perfect the sooner the poetry will have more Raw emotion...instead of the PERFECT S-H-I-T everyone expects...kisses~Ashley~
    | Posted on 2006-12-04 00:00:00 | by redeemer | [ Reply to This ]
      oooh. I think this deserves a rewrite.
    I like the first two stanzas to this.
    It's the place you should never go with poetry but it works so well.

    I do think you should continue it into the third though, the lines could easily end with me as opposed to love.
    " But she can live without being with me"
    "She's not sleepless each night thinking of me"
    or something like that.
    (sorry, I do hate trying to rewrite anothers work, it makes me feel really arrogant)

    But with that little bit more consistency there and a quick tidy of the last stanza this would be something I would reread plenty
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    124441

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry