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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Like The Winddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Katana Ryoko
    ASL Info:    17/F/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.86 - 483/428/109
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 606
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 345



    Description:
       Too short????


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLike The Winddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can't believe
    You truly left
    Like the wind
    You blew through
    Rearranged stuff
    And as quickly
    As you came
    You were gone
    I will never
    Be the same
    I hope you
    Know how much
    Your presence
    Affected me
    Totally changed
    My way of thinking




    Submitted on 2006-11-09 21:08:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree that you might want to make it longer and really describe your feelings, but otherwise I really like it.
    | Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good write but I cant help but think this write could become perfect if you used the same emotion you used in these short 50 words and expanded this write
    You did very well on speaking of the Love you hold inside but maybe explain why he left and why it has affected you so strong
    One of the hardest forms of Poetry to write is a true poem filled wiyh your own true emotions
    You are already half way there
    dont be afraid to include more personal relations in your work
    I can see you have a Good heart
    Use it and will carry your writing far more stronger then you van imagine
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      That's depressing, Katana. I think I know how that one feels, oddly enough, though probably not in the way you intend. I like the way that it seems like the outside force/other person just breezes through without regard for consequence--very clear.

    The short line length helps with that, I think. Nice write.

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2006-11-15 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the concept of wind as the agent of change in the relationship. Every relationship takes a heavy toll on you, demands irreversible changes and leaves permenant scars. Portrayed very well in the poem.
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by Raghavan | [ Reply to This ]


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