Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Like The Winddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Katana Ryoko
    ASL Info:    17/F/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.86 - 483/428/109
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 682
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 345



    Description:
       Too short????


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLike The Winddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can't believe
    You truly left
    Like the wind
    You blew through
    Rearranged stuff
    And as quickly
    As you came
    You were gone
    I will never
    Be the same
    I hope you
    Know how much
    Your presence
    Affected me
    Totally changed
    My way of thinking




    Submitted on 2006-11-09 21:08:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree that you might want to make it longer and really describe your feelings, but otherwise I really like it.
    | Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good write but I cant help but think this write could become perfect if you used the same emotion you used in these short 50 words and expanded this write
    You did very well on speaking of the Love you hold inside but maybe explain why he left and why it has affected you so strong
    One of the hardest forms of Poetry to write is a true poem filled wiyh your own true emotions
    You are already half way there
    dont be afraid to include more personal relations in your work
    I can see you have a Good heart
    Use it and will carry your writing far more stronger then you van imagine
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      That's depressing, Katana. I think I know how that one feels, oddly enough, though probably not in the way you intend. I like the way that it seems like the outside force/other person just breezes through without regard for consequence--very clear.

    The short line length helps with that, I think. Nice write.

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2006-11-15 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the concept of wind as the agent of change in the relationship. Every relationship takes a heavy toll on you, demands irreversible changes and leaves permenant scars. Portrayed very well in the poem.
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by Raghavan | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    124445

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Legends written by poetotoe
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    ME written by jjd
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    untitled written by Chelebel
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Genesis written by saartha
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry