Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Worthy Preydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 256
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1338
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1577



    Description:
       There are people that feel nature is soft, gentle, benevolent and safe. A teacher once said to me, "When you come face to face with a grizzly, you understand that humans are not the top of the food chain."

    So it is with love.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWorthy Preydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I attempt to run, but my feet
    are immovable weights.
    A blade of terror severed connections
    between body and mind.
    I am afflicted by an unpleasant
    paralysis without numbness.

    In the time it takes a flame to flicker once
    the hulking form of hungry love overtakes me.
    The chase ends as the beast looms
    above my motionless prostrate body.
    Its panting exhalations and musky
    scent of sweat choke off my breath.

    The monster tears flesh, breaking ribs
    and ripping through fat layers of humanity.
    I feel pain and blood pulsing in my throat,
    legs and secret sacred chambers.
    I am surrendered without consent to the fate
    of being consumed as a hard earned prize.

    In this proximity I can perceive and read
    the mind of the monster.
    There is no fear, only instinctive hunger.
    It has no desire for any part
    of my physical existence except
    the naturally warmed delicacy of heart.

    Suddenly it stops…
    backing cautiously away.
    The fire of desire was diminished and
    extinguished by disappointment.
    My life and soul pumping muscle
    is not yet large enough for its taste.

    The predator form dissolves into a
    shapeless shadow evaporated by night.
    I am left wishing it would again catch
    my scent and start a chase.
    I pray for the chance to be pursued
    and devoured as a worthy prey.




    Submitted on 2006-11-11 15:51:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I faved this one long ago Chrystine and never commented. I apologize for that and just last night read something that makes me quite aware of how this urging called love can descend and make us prey. As I write this a bird begins to squak outside my kitchen window, funny how these messages come through.

    But the reading was from The Power of Silence and deals with how how the jaguar begins to stalk Don Juan and Carlos. And Don Juan tells Carlos that the jaguar is able to read their thoughts, so they must confuse him to survive Love is a stalker also and most likely a hungry one, and even parts of us that we have in denial can pull strings. Love has no degree of captivity inside it and you place it carefully in the realm of danger. It's smart to watch how our plans can change, how we can become smitten and accomodating. And its all to fill the gaps and holes we might be healing for ourselves.

    You know, you have been a great teacher for me. And one that reflected ideas I believed in but few have been able to validate. What can I say, I would fave this again, it's just as good now.

    Love and light,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-12-20 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      GODAMN!!! THis was amazing!! I could actually hear the person's voice as I was reading this! Chilling. The last stanza is the best, because it shows a lack of dignity in the fact that she wishes her rapist would come back so she could feel a little bit wanted too! Amazing. I love how you portrayed this, and you captured the primitiveness of lust so greatly, it was amazing. I could hear, fell, see, and smell everything, and I have a permenant picture in my head. Wanting so badly too be love can overtake you, and it happened to both characters. Absolutely amazing. I'm adding this to my favorites!
    With Love,
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2006-12-09 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      Aaaah, to be devoured passionately and hungrily by the demons of lust, with their gasping and snarling in appreciation for the sweetness of our taste! Your writing takes my breath away!

    BTW, love the description. I grew up on a ranch in north Texas, and have frequently bumped into some of Gods creatures to whom the human form is slightly a larger obstacle than a small bird!
    | Posted on 2006-11-28 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent. I love the rawness of it. Pure unhindered passion and fright together.
    Keep it up
    | Posted on 2006-11-19 00:00:00 | by DesecratedDream | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my.. this is so animal, primal. it is brutal, like nature can so often be. like you say, some think nature is benevelont.. oh, yes. sometimes.
    but you have personified the pure animal drive that lust, desire and love can create and take to brutal depths sometimes.

    wow, Chrys. ... i shuddered a bit as i read this. it is so frightening, yet captivating...

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Very brilliant poem. I loved your analogy, although I think the references to love was a bit too subtle, if I didn't read your description I might have understood it different.

    Very, very nice. I'm very moved, and it got me thinking (which is not often).

    - Fougene
    | Posted on 2006-11-11 00:00:00 | by Fougene | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    124682

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry