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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cheers to the Voiddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 266
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 925
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1907



    Description:
       make of it what you wish...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCheers to the Voiddots
    -------------------------------------------


    A bullet shot through a still life world...
    Broken is the bird's wing unfurled

    Shattering a realm of peace trapped in war...
    Falling are the glass shards of love and lore

    Inter-twined are the opposites of life...
    Zig-zagging between the dagger and knife

    Off-white is the ivory tower...
    Tainted by the remnants of a single pink flower

    Its petals still swimming through unbreathable air...
    Poisoning all who come across its ware

    Drowning in waters of deep isolation...
    Covering the mind with blankets of aberration

    Thoughts boiling over, frothing at the rim...
    then freezing in their place, an ice so grim

    Fields of crystals shine in the night...
    Relfecting a world that has no light

    Gliding on oceans of grass blades...
    Fulgurating meadows and incisive glades

    Forests of barb wire loom in the distance...
    their secrets not welcome to your resistance

    Welcome to the realm of never-ending sleep...
    Where dreams live inside dreams, repenting for what you reap

    Fraigile illusions warp into frebrile realities...
    Where screams become melodic tonalities

    Forlorn images reflected in rivers of red...
    A cinnabar incubus of the faces of our dead

    Circadian suicides intrapted in a rampant mind...
    breaking through its all but durable rind

    Bdellium winds slash a baren landscape...
    Ripping through a frail escape

    There is no leaving, the toll has been paid...
    There is no decieving, the game has been played

    Cheers to the void, allusion in illusion
    When we awake, our day is delusion












    Submitted on 2006-11-11 18:30:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This one shows us how good you are. Very good. But there is a losing strategy going on: each one of your poems is about life, the universe and everything. I know everybody loves them! But can you write about something so small and unimportant that nobody ever thought about it before? Just for you, I bet that is the other ingredient.
    | Posted on 2006-12-13 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting. Bdellium might not be a word, but I'll Google it and see what I wind up with. You are a strangely good writer for your age--and I'm not that much older than you, so I might know something about that. Keep up the good work.

    Oh, and you might want to consider changing the two-line stanzas to four-line. Looks and feels more...connected. Your "thread" is missing here, as someone else said...

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      This feels a little "drifting" if you know what I mean. Beautiful imagery yet I lack a "thread". The words that pop in to my head when I read it were "visions through the mirrage", I got the feeling that someone saw what the world really was. someone seing through the illousions of life.
    It didn't speak to me like your other poems but it's still good.

    "Gliding on oceans a grass blades...
    Fulgurating meadows and incisive glades"

    I couldnt figure out what you whant to say on the first line if you meant "on grass blades" or something else.
    //The Little Good Wolf
    | Posted on 2006-11-23 00:00:00 | by Wolfie | [ Reply to This ]
      i love the title and the same lines alex said she liked, actually. im playing with this website bc its the like the only thing the stupid computer dosen't have blocked. im in saturday school. i could write a poem about the futility of life from this lol. i rambled, basically, like the poem. goodbye.
    | Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by necromance | [ Reply to This ]
      great write....i love how each set of lines can stand alone but work so well together...i wish i could write like this.....great job
    heartless coel
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      great write....i love how each set of lines can stand alone but work so well together...i wish i could write like this.....great job
    heartless coel
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      great write....i love how each set of lines can stand alone but work so well together...i wish i could write like this.....great job
    heartless coel
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      really nice concepts and perspectives.

    some deep lines in their.

    the flow was a little off but it had good end rhyme with a aabb rhyme scheme.

    Keep it up


    Sincerely
    SINceer
    | Posted on 2006-11-12 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]
      Cheers to the void. I'll drink to that! God I wish I could write like you when I was 14. Nice job.

    6
    Mike
    | Posted on 2006-11-12 00:00:00 | by fryte | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this it's pretty good. <3
    | Posted on 2006-11-11 00:00:00 | by _N Love_N Death | [ Reply to This ]
      Fraigile illusions warp into frebrile realities...
    Where screams become melodic tonalities

    those two lines are my favorites, and it's also sorta where the poem turns. I like the rest of it, but from there on, i LOVE it! haha...it makes you feel like the world is just so stupid...i dunno how else to put it really, because those words just seem so dumb for the way the poem is written, because it's good, but really i can't think of another way to say it besides that it makes you think of how incredibly stupid the world is!

    i hope that made sense...

    it rhymed really well, as always, but the flow may have been a little bit off in the first part...like the first lines don't quite match up with the seconds, but like i said, haha, that changes after those two lines i mentioned in the beginning...oh yea, and spelling: intertwined is one word...other than that i wouldn't change a thing...
    | Posted on 2006-11-12 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]
      I was really surprised to see you are only 14!
    ( I am exactly twice your age!) I was astounded by your vocabulary, more than anything. I have always been known for having an extensive vocabulary (I was teased endlessly in school because of it.., every time I was about to talk someone would say "wait a minute, I have to go get a dictionary") But you have pretty much floored me. Now I think I'm the one who needs a dictionary! And I mean that as a compliment in every sense of the way! Or maybe I'm just getting old. That was by far what stood out the most to me here. You are obviously a person with some considerable talent and I look forward to reading your work as you grow and mature.
    Keep writing always.
    Soul-Hugger
    | Posted on 2006-11-23 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]


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