Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hope-Lessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brokensmile
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 241/326/148
    Words: 482
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 749
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 2792



    Description:
       would someone please comment on this..nobody did before


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHope-Lessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The crimson silk dress blanketing her bed was so dark and so seemingly undisturbed that it appeared as though someone had been murdered and then abandoned to the classical music reverberating throughout the room from a small record player placed purposefully at the center of her nightstand. It was deliberately positioned adjacent to the photographs on top of which sat a strand of pearls whose golden clasp shown even more than usual in the brilliance of the lighted room.
    Dark hair cascaded down the woman’s shoulders and as she combed through a series of knotted tangles, the mournful sound of the violin rose up from the record player to settle heavily onto her fingertips so that she had to return her silver comb to its velvet-lined case. Then, only seconds later a symphony of thunder nearly startled her enough to drop the fragile satin garment as she allowed it to lightly fall and settle, noiselessly to her feet. Seizing the pearls she left the glowing room without hesitation and continued out, splattering light onto the dark corridor as she pushed open the door and descended down the cold, hardwood steps. The bitter night air cruelly raped her flesh of warmth as it swept her dress sideways; creating a dramatic effect that left her wild looking in the moonlight.

    New pavement moved along quickly, too quickly beneath her bare feet so that she stumbled onto her dress, catching the material, ripping it, revealing a purple bruise that had harassed her thigh with every step. Glancing down the woman observed the impressive affliction and nothing more. Now breathless, she began running, for the absence of sound had suddenly filled her ears with a familiar ness she couldn’t describe nor stand and in this instance she appeared like a modern version of snow white spilling throughout the menacing wood, aching with pain as unseen matter tore at her limbs.
    A woman against herself, it was she who here, staring down from the rocks to the blue foam, watching it continually slice through a reflected image of a star-strangled sky. Still clutching the pearls, she brought the pallid strands around her neck so that they twisted into locking. Taking what could be a final step she perceived the wicked hand of selfish evil extend out towards her and now, for the first time, she hesitated as hellish laughter rose up from somewhere within the depths of her sub consciousness, compelling her to Sink down upon the sharp hardness of the ground. Collapsing inwardly, her hands clamped and crossed, resting heavily on each alternating shoulder. Humiliated by the laughter, but most of all by her own helplessness she whispered “I’m sorry,” before the sky tipped up and the stars smoldered away in their places. .






    Submitted on 2006-11-12 18:59:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Your story has a sad voice to it.
    I don't know if I am interpreting it wrong, but it seems to me that she is commiting suicide.
    Is that right? Well anyway, I liked your work.
    Complete sentences, and has some nice thought and descriptions. Your word usage is very nice too, I thought.
    Keep up the good work.

    -bloody-
    | Posted on 2006-11-12 00:00:00 | by _bloody_kiss_ | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    124798

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    ME written by jjd
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    untitled written by Chelebel
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry