Some people would say I was brave to do what I did. Then again some people would say I was fucking insane so I take the compliment with a grain of salt. There’s a very thin line between brave and insane. Most people will confuse the two but after what happened that day I know the difference.
You don’t know me. You don’t know one thing about me. You think you know but you don’t. Am I a guy? Or a girl? Am I black or white? Smart or dumb? Tall or short? These things are just illusions they take your mind away from the case and point. They take away your ability to remain neutral. Like I said, you don’t know me. In fact you don’t know half of what you think you do.
They brought me here to “calm down”. Say I have post traumatic stress, but I don’t. This hospital isn’t a hospital. It’s an anti-hospital. People come here and get sicker. You take a somewhat insane person and bring them here and they turn completely insane. It doesn’t matter how strong willed you are, after five years even you will question your sanity. That’s what they wait for, you know. They wait ‘til you’re questioning yourself to stick you with a disease.
They let me out two days ago. Say I’m all better. Now I remember everything. Without those damned pills I can remember everything. The screams, the blood. All of it. We went in blind, we didn’t even know the layout of the place but in we went. Williams rushed in ahead of me. I tried to pull him back but he was already inside. I can still hear that gun going off and seeing Williams fall and scream in pain from the bullet lodged in his stomach. I turned to fire at the gunmen to see that it was a sixteen year old girl. I’ll never forget what she said. “Someday you’ll see that you were wrong about everything.” Then she shot herself. Just like that.
Williams didn’t die. He can’t walk because our commander threw him out the window to try and get him to safety. I could have carried him down but Jones just threw him out and kept on going. Williams could still be walking and playing with his kids but Jones took that away from him. We kept going deeper into the mansion. That’s when we found the first bomb.
I’d seen this type before. I could disarm it in my sleep and I did. I disarmed it with no problem and kept going. Jones was shooting left and right and it didn’t matter at whom he was doing it at. I saw a pregnant woman drop to the floor clutching her belly as the blood flowed out in a river of red. A child with a bullet through his brain staring at the ceiling eyes wide open. Forever staring at the white ceiling. I could almost picture him laughing and playing, blond hair flying. Now he was dead.
That’s when I saw the little black girl in the corner. She was so cute with her pink dress and her teddy bear. I went over and picked her up to try and get her out of there. Away from Jones. He shot her. Right in the back. Just shot her and turned and walked away. That’s when I knew he’d lost it. He would have shot me if I hadn’t been wearing my ATF vest. Then a bomb went off. Jones flew back into a fireplace. The wood around him caught fire and began to eat at his coat. Like a hungry dragon it ate at his jacket. That’s when I pulled him out and put out the flames on him. I threw him on my shoulder and started to walk out the way I came when I saw another bomb triggered to go off. I ran for a door right out into the front field where the main fighting was going on. I ran right into the middle of it all. I felt a bullet dig itself into my shoulder and another in the arm that was carrying my gun. I dropped it and kept running.
I should have left him to die. He should be six feet under right now. But he’s not. He’s with his family and I’m here alone. He has to live with it though. Everyday I make sure he remembers what he did. I visit and when we’re alone I tell him what he did. How many lives he ruined forever.
Some people say I’m brave for saving my captain. Then again some people say I’m insane. There’s a thin line between brave and insane. I know the difference now, so I know I’m neither. I’m a person who was at Waco, Texas. I’m an ATF agent. I’m a murderer.