[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Pilgrimagedots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 820
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 538

       I have no idea...

    but if God can give beauty for ashes, is it possible some prefer a paradise of opposites?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Build me an island
    perfection in a pool of stars
    pressed against
    the belly of the earth;
    build me an Eden


    don't stay my hand
    as I mine the cove
    curse the unknown
    tongue, vaporize
    the uninvited
    with a blessed
    holy wrath

    I am not the ancient
    pagan destroyer
    of an antique land
    I am the quivering
    dementia that spit
    upon God's hand

    ..make me an island...

    Submitted on 2006-11-13 17:47:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed this very much. I find it compelling for a number of reasons; firstly the images your words evoke with lines like 'perfection in a pool of stars', 'pressed against the belly of the earth' and 'I am the dementia that spit upon God's hand' are wondrous and vivid. Secondly, the childlike demanding of it, asking for something monumental, though making a further demand of 'no strings attached'. The theme of the poem could be a filtered expression of the id, which is not common because of the nature of the concept and, therefore, stands stark and inviting. Thirdly, I imagined it a microcosm of mankindísí history, though it observes rather than judges, and offers no apology. It seems a statement on humanity, by our very nature we are doomed to repeat history, simply because we must.

    Perhaps I have missed your intent, but again, I enjoyed this very much! Thanks.
    | Posted on 2007-01-06 00:00:00 | by biska | [ Reply to This ]
      This is not your average poem, Bill. And I admit I've read it several times and each time I see something different. I think your intro makes the meaning of the poem confusing. And this is what I see regarding intro from my perspective.

    Those of us who are imperfect didn't choose to feel fire and ecstacy at the same time. It's just there, and we have to deal with it. There are those here who will second that emotion. One feeds the other, and we struggle with the intensity every day. However it is that we write really is no matter. That we do is the point. The writers I know here in town never ask "how are you?" They say, "Have you been writing?" and it is a most appropriate way to inquire as to one's well being.

    But your poem, there is an anger and a simplistic way of finding solace in that we've created all of it. But this what I see also and that is how we take the gifts and never say thank you for them.
    Our society teaches us to never have enough or be satisfied and as greedy ways of life cover the earth the idea o just being happy without wanting something else is dying off. We've got to do something and writing like is is exactly how it's done.

    I have to fave this Bill, it's priceless and perfect in every way!
    I knew your breakthrough was coming and I see you have another post!

    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      A real Eden/Utopia or a false one whored out every day for your eyes and mine ie the propaganda of "buy buy, sell your soul for a piece of real estate" and advertising?

    Makes me wonder if we shouldn't just blow the earth up and send all the presidents and dictators to the sun. It would make life easier in some ways. But then, anarchy to some would be a form of Utopia.

    The real Eden is Consciousness to me, a refusal to put the blindfolds back on, a backhand slap to all types of classification meant to humble and separate you from others of like-minded ilk.

    That's the whole point... to separate people with a vision. And even then, our/their vision isn't necessarily the pure or right way.

    It sucks to be human sometimes.


    | Posted on 2006-11-13 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading your poem. I felt a surge of power, of revolt, a claim for independence. The imagery is wonderful "I am the quivering // dementia that spit // upon God's hand" And I want to live that out as far as I can, on my own Eden/island. I am impressed. No specific comments to make. I think it's wonderful as it stands.
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by Lerlim | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bond written by saartha
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Giving written by jjd
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Linger written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    This written by Chelebel
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Push written by JanePlane
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]