Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pilgrimagedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 748
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 538



    Description:
       I have no idea...

    but if God can give beauty for ashes, is it possible some prefer a paradise of opposites?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPilgrimagedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Build me an island
    perfection in a pool of stars
    pressed against
    the belly of the earth;
    build me an Eden

    ...then...

    don't stay my hand
    as I mine the cove
    curse the unknown
    tongue, vaporize
    the uninvited
    with a blessed
    holy wrath

    I am not the ancient
    pagan destroyer
    of an antique land
    I am the quivering
    dementia that spit
    upon God's hand

    ..make me an island...




    Submitted on 2006-11-13 17:47:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed this very much. I find it compelling for a number of reasons; firstly the images your words evoke with lines like 'perfection in a pool of stars', 'pressed against the belly of the earth' and 'I am the dementia that spit upon God's hand' are wondrous and vivid. Secondly, the childlike demanding of it, asking for something monumental, though making a further demand of 'no strings attached'. The theme of the poem could be a filtered expression of the id, which is not common because of the nature of the concept and, therefore, stands stark and inviting. Thirdly, I imagined it a microcosm of mankindísí history, though it observes rather than judges, and offers no apology. It seems a statement on humanity, by our very nature we are doomed to repeat history, simply because we must.

    Perhaps I have missed your intent, but again, I enjoyed this very much! Thanks.
    | Posted on 2007-01-06 00:00:00 | by biska | [ Reply to This ]
      This is not your average poem, Bill. And I admit I've read it several times and each time I see something different. I think your intro makes the meaning of the poem confusing. And this is what I see regarding intro from my perspective.

    Those of us who are imperfect didn't choose to feel fire and ecstacy at the same time. It's just there, and we have to deal with it. There are those here who will second that emotion. One feeds the other, and we struggle with the intensity every day. However it is that we write really is no matter. That we do is the point. The writers I know here in town never ask "how are you?" They say, "Have you been writing?" and it is a most appropriate way to inquire as to one's well being.

    But your poem, there is an anger and a simplistic way of finding solace in that we've created all of it. But this what I see also and that is how we take the gifts and never say thank you for them.
    Our society teaches us to never have enough or be satisfied and as greedy ways of life cover the earth the idea o just being happy without wanting something else is dying off. We've got to do something and writing like is is exactly how it's done.

    I have to fave this Bill, it's priceless and perfect in every way!
    I knew your breakthrough was coming and I see you have another post!

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      A real Eden/Utopia or a false one whored out every day for your eyes and mine ie the propaganda of "buy buy, sell your soul for a piece of real estate" and advertising?

    Makes me wonder if we shouldn't just blow the earth up and send all the presidents and dictators to the sun. It would make life easier in some ways. But then, anarchy to some would be a form of Utopia.

    The real Eden is Consciousness to me, a refusal to put the blindfolds back on, a backhand slap to all types of classification meant to humble and separate you from others of like-minded ilk.

    That's the whole point... to separate people with a vision. And even then, our/their vision isn't necessarily the pure or right way.

    It sucks to be human sometimes.

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-11-13 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading your poem. I felt a surge of power, of revolt, a claim for independence. The imagery is wonderful "I am the quivering // dementia that spit // upon God's hand" And I want to live that out as far as I can, on my own Eden/island. I am impressed. No specific comments to make. I think it's wonderful as it stands.
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by Lerlim | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    124926

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The World written by jjd
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry