Masquerade by everafter

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Submission Name: Masquerade dots

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Author:	everafter
Elite Ratio:	2.4 - 38/33/10
Words:	105

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	176
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	814

Description:

Masquerade dots

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Carnival of lights and sounds
Of strangers, friends, and foe
Where love is merely make believe
And truth from liars flow

Roll the dice, play your card
Spin the wheel of chance
Masks will fall in heavy guard
Shifting in a glance

Beauty hangs from heaven 'bove
Facade of moving grace
Dancers trapped in pedestals
Whose tears you cannot trace

One by one the masks will fall
Exposing what's untrue
Dies down the enchanted ball
Exits not on cue

Shadows hunt the ballroom floor
For souls they can't atone
Ghosts whisper the atrocious truth
A heart beats all alone

Submitted on 2006-11-14 06:04:20 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
  I simply adore the imagery in this, though I think that you go a little crazy with the images in your head--the theme and message are clear until about the fourth stanza. Then you lose me--ghosts? Ahh, where did they come from?

aesthetically speaking, this poem is perfect. The double spacing softens the rhyming, and the rythem has a 'peek out from behind a wall' feel about it. I like it.

thematically speaking, you could have done better. If you read it again, you would see that you are first concentrating on the masqerade in general--then you switch pace, quickly, suddenly, and rather unpleasantly, to focus on the individual people and how they fit in the picture. I think that you should either have stuck to the idea of a masquerade, or scrapped that idea alltogether and just focused on the individuals at the masquerade. Both in one short-is poem just doesn't cut it (sorry for harshness, but I think you have better tricks up your sleeve! you CAN put a theme together. I believe it.)

I liked this as an aesthetic read, but I found its coherency lacking. Keep it up though, because the more you do it the easier you are going to find that string of ideas and connect them. =]]

Maevity
| Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by Maevity | [ Reply to This ]
  The meter, rhyme, and flow of this is marvelous! Great write, Ever!
| Posted on 2006-11-15 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
  i love how you used this theme to your advantage, ithink you couldve taken it a bit farther but otherwise i can't be a critic on this piece. nice work.
| Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by nipole | [ Reply to This ]
  the flow and rhyme were like on point. I have never been to mardi gra in new orleans but this poem made me get a taste of whats its like to an extent. Very good write.

Brian
| Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by b_v_grant | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it
| Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by ty | [ Reply to This ]
  Very good, the flow and rhyme was right on and i really like the lines, "Where love is merely make believe and truth from liars flow." isn't that always the truth. great write, i might just fav this. keep it up.
| Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by Lil gal | [ Reply to This ]

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