Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Voluntary Illnessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Liv2LoveThePain
    ASL Info:    19 - F - Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 1527/1515/256
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 1135
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 705



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVoluntary Illnessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Thread the wire through my gums;
    attach it to your wrist.
    Songs can call it beautiful
    or make you look like this...

    Still, I taste the iron you pressed against my tongue.
    Colors you'll be buried in are wound around my thumbs.

    Set the screw and drill it.
    Box the weight to kill it,
    then spill it in my lungs.


    Medicine cabinets in your veins are all that you have left.
    Voluntary illness seems to be a perfect death.

    Hook the wire through your cheek
    and mount it like a frame.
    Tape your eyelids up to see
    that we are just the same.




    Submitted on 2006-11-14 07:23:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem reminded me of the sonf "Drill the wire through my cheek" by Blue October. Great song and great poem. You are quite a gifted writer. I love the morbidness of your writes. Very good :)


    Ciao,

    }i{Renae}i{
    | Posted on 2006-12-09 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ]
      thank you for yet another poem for me to fall in love with. it's very familiar in alot of ways, though not every way. its depressing and fulfilling at the same time. that's the familiar thing.

    love u nikki darling.

    ~sabrina.
    | Posted on 2006-11-16 00:00:00 | by icaughtfire591 | [ Reply to This ]
      I have missed you very muchly.

    Favourite part:

    Medicine cabinets in your veins are all that you have left.
    Voluntary illness seems to be a perfect death

    Mind block? Or just not posting?

    My life isn't the same when I don't read your poetry.
    x
    | Posted on 2006-11-16 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      Painful sounding? great write! I have not seen anything new from you in a while? I wrote some new stuff come by and tell me what you think OK?
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      Just read the comments from other people, as they so willingly tag along, on this long lonely train. "Amaingly morbid"... morbid was never a word used to describe something good... but now some have fallen in love with death. A long passionate kiss to themselves.

    Nikki... this isn't who you are, its who you've let them make you. Love is something more, love is not dark and lonely. I don't care how wrong you think I am, you know that in the end, I care for you, and would never try to hurt you. Just listen, and really think about it.

    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      This is dark, and lonely... nearly begging for pain and regret. Voluntary depression, voluntary lack of hope, ...

    Sometimes people don't ever stop to think about who decided to walk down that path, who decided to make that first move, who kissed back, who locks themself inside... the list goes on and on. Frankly this poem makes me want to die. You have fallen in love with death, and darkness, and no one can show you light, only you can open your eyes.
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      *the lyrics are so creative AND though
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by TristesseDurera | [ Reply to This ]
      I [censored] love love love the chorus of this.

    It has such a great imagery about it. Just that line afterwards: 'Then spill it in my lungs' Just so well written. The lines are so creative about though I loathe to use the word, deep. The line about 'tap your eyelids up to see that we're just the same' is such a fantastic line. And I hate how I didn't come up with it. Will be added to my favourites.

    Well done, seriously. It is morbid and depressing with art and class that despite being depressing you don't feel you're reading a 15 yr old's poetry. It's class poetry of pain.
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by TristesseDurera | [ Reply to This ]
      amazingly morbid!! i have a thing against sharps in my gums... so that kinda creeped me out, but i loved it all the same
    sounds like a twisted mind trying to convey an idea or something. very good rhythm and flow
    a way different set up than most normals i think. good work!
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by LoneWolf | [ Reply to This ]
      Love it! great rythem, great rhyme, wordplay, flow. I am critical when I dislike, or believe that something can be done better, but I say to now: I am content with this.
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by etherealpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      amazing word play and imagery. i see wires and dark places and dirt and blood and pills, drugs, alcohol. addiction and pain. look in the mirror, you're doing this to yourself, you're talking to yourself? i'm confused by the last line. i love this. i've read stuff by you before that i didn't really like, but i love this. best of yours i've read. i have yet to comment on you because i really didn't like any of the others i've seen you post. but this title caught my eye and i thought, eh, what the heck, i'll check it out. this is amazing. i love it. are the italicized words song lyrics? 'cause if they are, i'd like to know what song you're referencing here. great write. the flow is flawless. also, i love when people rhyme without rhyming. use words that are similar in sound. it makes it flow better. excellent write.
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by narcolepsy | [ Reply to This ]
      "Drilled a wire through my cheek" -blue october (Foiled)
    at least thats what it reminds me of ( not the whole thing) well thats just me.
    clever word play. i like it. clearly you know how to bring the reader in, kudos
    | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    124996

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    prison written by ShyOne
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Records I written by Raphael
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Shi written by ShyOne
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry