[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: A Walkdots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 593
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 644

       I find this need of description tedious. A group of people are on a walk. It is a pretty path, decorated with obstacles and life.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Walkdots

    We did run away
    down the orange and red paved road
    the trees did lean into us, the rain did drop from every leaf that knew our names

    And along the way
    to where we were going
    this path that may just lead us in a new direction, is covered with stones and berries that feed birds dodging in and out of her hair

    they skipped this way
    no cars or lamp posts to light the road when the night fell
    down this path
    and that one
    simply covering distance to get to were they were going

    and only she would know that place
    and only he would follow

    Submitted on 2006-11-14 12:03:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was really beautiful:) The only part that threw me was this line,

    "is covered with stones and "

    Is it supposed to be "its"?

    It seems like its would fit better...

    Other than that this was beautiful, it reminded me of longing and a fear of love. Like, the girl was scared to be with him, so she kept moving, kept running and skipping away (your words). And the boy was so in love with her, he couldn't do anything but follow.

    That's what I got out of it,

    Nice job,
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]
      O.o , I love this, this is beautiful which is strange because I usually like darker works but this really grabbed my attention. Really great word form and a very creative approach.
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Wavelength written by saartha
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Incubus written by monad
    Push written by JanePlane
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]