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Until Reality Intervences

Author: Twisted
Elite Ratio:    7.47 - 159 /57 /75
Words: 155
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1021
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1059


i think I should feel proud... Yep. You don't think I'm weird do you? Me finally got a myspace page! Yay!

Until Reality Intervences

—Excruciating pain causes a jolt of familiarity through my body—
the wild chase of restricted memories, muffled voices, blurred faces,
a lock tumbling to find the significant click of a complex organism
in place; what’s the combination?
—Whisper memories not my own—
until it tugs upon strings of my odd conscience, with a longing,
softly blowing upon inexperienced skin, dripping sweat of want,
—Touch; gently explore a wanton body—
rekindling my body with those gentle breaths upon my body,
encircle ,my waist with strong, warm tanned arms burying a smile,
in the crook of my neck to inhale
imprint my scent in your senses.
—Heat to change my state of matter—
withering in response to ice, to heat, to the fertilizing flower
explore me—every pore, flick of lashes, touch of flesh,
and know me; my body, a vanishing haven for you against
time and the world
until reality intervenes.

Submitted on 2006-11-14 19:29:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  The pain of a fantasy unconsumed? Ouch. Reality, I mean.

This line: "imprint my scent in your senses." (which was cool) leading on with the rest of your lines are the lines that caught me the most. It was... the culmination, the 'little death', until the cold slap of how it really is confronts you.

I do think the triple repetition of "body" a bit too much for two lines... up to you, but you could probably get rid of one or two with minor syntax changes.

But yea. Nice write.

| Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

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