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There, but not


Author: Perpetualdreamz
Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 8 /18 /19
Words: 271
Class/Type: Prose /
Total Views: 680
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1582



Description:


I don't know.
-that's what I always say...because I'm so lost, so opinion deprived...so..."I don't know"


There, but not



I feel like I'm on a boat, once a yacht full of people- a yacht of fun and pleasure...yet we still move across the ocean...
But then the waves began to control us, I begin to panic...I begin to steer the boat to safety, moving out of my way so everyone else can still enjoy themselves...
Then my manning the boat becomes priority, to stay safe and to never return to those horrendous waves...everyone continues to have fun-
As my presence is forgotten and the yacht is steered to safety, people begin to dive off to splash in the blue and clear waters...while I stay and keep the yacht still
...my yacht becomes lighter...smaller...I lose control even though I think I'm on still waters...
I'm alone and drifting on my raft...the occasional fish quivers the water ever so slightly beneath me...

I'm lost, but
still here.
Gone, but
on the map
There, but
not.

I feel so lost in life, I feel constantly tired. When I walk, the world whirs past me- I see only blurs. When something is in front of me, I look beyond for better- I've shifted my priorities. What I think is best, is really just something that only accompanies life. The one I need, I think it can wait til later because its always there- but it soon becomes something of yesterday. I fail to notice...like I fail at everything else. Lacking in everything important...I somehow still walk this Earth like a blank soul- just a waste of where possible gas molecules could conveniently use up.




Submitted on 2006-11-14 22:02:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  It reminds me of my mother, trying to steer her kids away from "dangerous waters", sacrificing herself...
I loved the middle section, where you slow down from the constant stream of thoughts and give a lovely overview of all of your feelings. Nice touch.
I would, however, stay clear of "failing at everything", because it is so very, very cliché. I feel that way too, but a more creative way of expressing that there would be better. It still worked though. I just twitched a little when I read it.
"Yet we still move across the ocean"--I wouldn't say "yet" or "still". There isn't any establishment of why that is bad or any opposition to sailing over the ocean.
Very nice, very emotional.
-Little Lotte N.
| Posted on 2006-11-16 00:00:00 | by Lotte Noir | [ Reply to This ]


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