Well this would be a more complicated comment. in this i really get emotional due to the poem dealing with having someone by your side then disappear, this litterally brings a tear to my eye and yet i felt the need to say waht i wanted in well a poem of my own :P.. yes i wrote a poem for you..:P Are you smiling yet? anywho heres the site and well i hope you like it bare in mind it 7 am right now so bare with it ... (heres the link) http://www.eliteskills.com/z/128311
just to add my fifty cents I know poetry is susposed to challenge life but I was a little freak by that ending. I think it was the perfect line if you really feel that way but i also think your in a sad situation if you really feel that way. kudos to dead,yetalive becuse I was really unsure what to say when I first read this piece but after his/her guidance I am sure that even though it's a greay poem there are some lines that I just don't agree with.
Wow, the first half of this poem was heartbreaking, then you let some light in when you talked about finding refuge in religion, but the door gets slammed on you, I think you have just defined the epitome of darkness. And the last stanza/lines, "God forgive me I don't know what to do/My life's been fuct up/And so are you....", could not have ended the poem any better.
I think this is the first time for me to say this in a critique, cause I know how corny and lame it sounds, but this piece flowed incredibly well. The first 3 stanzas build up the momentum, then it just takes off from there until the end.
When I first read the line "in a pink padded room is where he'll keep alive", I thought, "Does she mean white?", then I realized that perhaps you've kept him in your heart, and in your heart he will live on forever. Then again I could be completely wrong.
One thing I personally would change is the spelling of the word "[censored]", I think that if it was simply spelled f-u-c-k, it would better allow the word to convey the situations in your poem.
Other than that this was a jaw-dropping poem, I'm gonna have to favorite this and stalk you.
wow... I just thought you should know this made tears run down my face. it was beautifully written with such emotion behind it. I can relate to a certain extent... my mother's dead and my father's just there, but he tries... I wasn't as alone but I felt that way. I assure you that God has not forgotten about you... he still loves you and is just waiting until you're ready to talk again. It's like a marriage, you're angry at your spouse and they know why (though I don't) and thy realise that you may need a little space for a while, but he really wants you back. I'm not saying all this stuff because my dad's the pastor but because I know from experience that when you seem to've lost it all... you really haven't ... he's still there... which is why I am. :) but, if you don't mind my asking, why do you feel that God is dead?
P.S.- I'm here if you want to talk... I might be able to help... even if it's just by listening. :)