Also, take a look at my poem titled "A Love Not Returned." The idea and feeling is similar to the one you have described here, but with a very different way of portraying it. Take care
First, I'd just like to point out a couple of errors as constructive criticism...
"It's hard to gone on without you" I think maybe you meant "It's hard to [go] on without you"
"And that was I though you would try and do" "And that was [what I thought] you would try to do" right?
also im not sure that "one's" should have an apostrophe.
Other than that, well I guess you can say its slightly scattered but then again, maybe that is the feeling you are providing for the reader. You might be trying to portray the idea of mixed thoughts and emotions because thats how you are feeling and the way your mind is working. I think it could use a little revision, but other than that, its decent. Just work with it a little more and you could have something great.
first, what the hell was glen talking about....this poem was interesting and has great potential, but personally I got confused a few times and when i read the first comment I really got twisted. Now you were just ranting and you meant to be confusing as an expression of how you feel/felt then great but if not yo might wantto look at this again
I understand this good poem from my own experience and also watching 100s of other lives. I'll point out some language mistakes, but one of them (absis) isn't a mistake even if you meant it to be; it's a new word and just fit for that place with its ambiguity and irony. I like to meet these new words! Thanks! As for the other mistakes, they are apostrophes and spelling "too". It's not my fault spelling is important. On the other hand it doesn't bother me personally and probably not many others either! Wierd.
Love hurts...love sucks....that's all you've pointed out and i can relate to that....I can only wish in situations like these that i wouldn't have these love emotions so that it would be so much easier to move on and forgot the love that i shared with someone.
I think a lot of people think like you do and your thoughts reflect what most people think when they love someone but that the person who you love doesn't love you. it hurts, unfortunately that is the reality you are forced to live with. I think it is so much better to be alone or with people who love you than to share your feelings with someone who is not sharing the same emotions...don't you think so?
Overall, i think this piece is based on your thoughts more than it is based on the format and content of poetry. You highlighted the idea of "A love that has gone wrong". hope you're doing well....
Submission Name: This hurts the most
