Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dark Justicedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Squall Leon Hea
    Elite Ratio:    2.33 - 102/77/26
    Words: 226
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 328
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1384



    Description:
       I wish you like it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDark Justicedots
    -------------------------------------------


    " A light came from above "
    That's whats said to the one thy love

    " a shootng star "
    " Make a wish before it goes too far "

    "look! it Scattred into stars! " A young one
    then silenced by a star in the heart and gone

    as the stars fall
    it covered the town in whole

    " Run! Run! " they call
    Holding a child and a doll

    suffering , dying
    Cheating , lying

    " Stars of Justice " a Dark one said
    With a Dark cloak over his head

    " no please , sir " A women has said
    " save my child before i fall down dead "

    " very well my lady " the dark one called
    " but thy must do what thy been told "

    " look above and now behold "
    up they looked as the sky has been unfold

    " now come to me my lady an' child "
    " to safety I shall be your guide "

    to a safe home they've been led
    He tapped the child on the head

    " blessing in deed my child "
    the child looked up and smiled

    " thank you , sir " the child has said
    " lovely child now go to bed "




    Submitted on 2006-11-16 03:36:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Since you requested "thoughts" as your Commentary type here they are.

    I understand the picture you are trying to create with this piece, couplet schemes are good at presenting a quick and sharp image into the readers mind. In my opinion i liked it, not your best work but all in all it reminded me of a splatter painting (in a good way). Different emotions were submitted throughout your piece but clarification of the message you are trying to send is needed. But again i liked this piece and i hope you continue to write!!
    | Posted on 2007-11-28 00:00:00 | by Mepo | [ Reply to This ]
      Hum...i liked it! It was pretty good, though i think i dont like it enough to acctuly say it was the greastest. But, what do i know? I am a blonde
    | Posted on 2007-06-01 00:00:00 | by darkmoonchild | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm, ahhhhhh, and hmmmm again. Hell, i like it. A little. Not alot. But a little is better than not at all.
    | Posted on 2007-05-24 00:00:00 | by Silenced poet | [ Reply to This ]
      your style of writing is different,new to me to be honest. too bad you have only a few scripts submitted,i'd have liked to read more.

    i liked this one most because its longer than all the others,its a good write.

    ~Pixie~
    | Posted on 2007-04-15 00:00:00 | by pixie_007 | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm speechless!! This could actually become a best selling book... It feels like it happen. Keep writing all that you can.
    | Posted on 2007-03-01 00:00:00 | by bigothgurl | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is awsome!!u should really write more

    safire
    | Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
      very good~possibility of turning into a longer story :)
    | Posted on 2006-11-20 00:00:00 | by DesecratedDream | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is nice.. i likeit.. unusual.. but i like it a lot
    | Posted on 2006-11-20 00:00:00 | by ellesmera | [ Reply to This ]
      An unusual write. I never ran into something like this. The form, the vocabular and the style are something new to me. It sounds great when I read it out loud and the flow is great. The rhyme is perfect and the idea is quite impressive. Good piece :)
    | Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoy couplet rhyme schemes. But somehow the ones in the middle seemed a lil short and disruptive to the overall effect.
    But otherwise,great that you finally submitted something!
    Cheers
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      preatty good
    | Posted on 2006-11-16 00:00:00 | by ty | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    125272



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry