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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Invisibledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: everafter
    Elite Ratio:    2.4 - 38/33/10
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Depressed
    Total Views: 88
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 533



    Description:
       More like word vomit poetry.. not one of my best works, but a heartfelt and impulsive one for me. I was feeling quite down and my fingers (and heart) started flowing over this write.. this was actually meant to be lyrics, but it ended up as poetry, so here it is.
    --changed to category "Lyrics"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInvisibledots
    -------------------------------------------


    I know you act like you care tonight
    Moving into the blinding light
    Love's as strong as the dark blue pill
    Sitting on your window sill

    Watch your words, the things you say
    Cause it won't matter anyway
    Rising sun, I cease to exist
    Hidden in your heart, the deepest pit

    Secrets form on the edge of your lips
    Flowing through your fingerprints
    Kiss me, then I'll know it's true
    Tonight you're thinking of me too




    Submitted on 2006-11-16 07:06:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It's sounds like a yern to be touched and/or a cry for attention and as though the writer feels like they are being neglected. I think you could work on the flow, some of the parts seem jagged, but overall I do get a feeling from reading it and it is noticable that you put a fair amount of effort into writing it.
    | Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by Aracid | [ Reply to This ]
      alrighty then, it turned out fine as a poem but as i was reading it i couldn't but singing. It was easy to sing it becuz i write mainly lyrics. So as a poem it really turned out fine but i think you can re-evaluate and turn it into a song as well.

    Brian,

    check me out sometime, see what i'm talking about
    | Posted on 2006-11-16 00:00:00 | by b_v_grant | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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