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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Kill This Numb Voiddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 834
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 601



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKill This Numb Voiddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Go ahead and hurt me:
    kill this numb void.
    Make me feel something,
    for my love for you
    quickly turned into medicine
    like those pills I take
    that work as briefly as a spark burns
    and make me feel nothing,
    but I stay here
    simply to have some place to be
    to say someone cares
    to tell that cluster of beautiful lies,
    but this home is like a hospital now,
    so rip me apart like a letter you can't bring yourself to read,
    for I'm the one you can't bring yourself to love.






    Submitted on 2004-05-29 03:19:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      "But this home is like a hospital now" so great! I feel like this too! I am constantly getting torn to shreds by my lover and it official stinks! You put it into a nice concise group of elegant words that one again impress me.
    | Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh the analogy, I was a line ahead, not that it was that predictable, very original.
    Simply to have some place to be
    To say someone cares
    When I read that my mind raced and shouted at me,
    "but that's a lie" and then you wrote
    To tell that cluster of beautiful lies
    and I grinned. Not for the poem, it's sad, but for the connection that sparked from the screen, what you had written to that point had communicated so clearly, in so few words, that I already could have written the next line for you. Maybe it's from reading some of your other work before that I understood so well so soon.
    So, love the (bitter) medicine metaphor for your stagnant love. Have a nice weekend, and that topless pic? Love a well turned ankle baby, grrrrrr.



    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, this one must be dreadful! Somebody say something, even if you tell me it whomps in the worst way possible, please.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is dreadful! The style reminds me more of...me! And I swear you keep using words just days after I use them. Case in point: cluster. Albeit you used it in a totally different way, but I pictured the cluster of lies as if they were written on paper and crumpled into mountain shapes, yet still legible. Yep, I know that wasn't what you were going for.
    It's really not a bad poem per se, so much as that at the end I feel like I've read maybe four lines from one of your poems that another rather mediocre talent hijacked and littered with his own flat melodrama.
    "As briefly as a spark burns" is a really nice line.
    The "rip me apart like a letter" part seemed to me like it should have gone "rip me apart and remove my lungs, throw them on a steely tray, put them ice, and take them home to put in your display case beside my shriveled heart."
    OK, really that was just what I wanted because I thought that maybe it was coming and in my sick mind I liked the image. Perhaps you could communicate a similar image with greater effect.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      Really its not dreadful, I just like your so much of your other works so much more.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my [censored] god. I didn't just read black root's comment. I'm going to just take a deep breathe and forget about it.............
    .........................................................
    .............................................................
    THAT %^@$#$& #&#$%&$!!!!
    Why doesn't he just take away our paint buckets and musical instruments
    Oh, by the way, nice poem.
    -MyX
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
      One more thing. Maybe what makes you feel this way is simply the RX medicine. It's got you all flatlined.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it cause somehow it reminds me of me and some person close to me (not a boyfriend...). anyway I like the 'love as medicine' very much and the ending was powerful. well done.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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