[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Kill This Numb Voiddots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 865
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 601


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKill This Numb Voiddots

    Go ahead and hurt me:
    kill this numb void.
    Make me feel something,
    for my love for you
    quickly turned into medicine
    like those pills I take
    that work as briefly as a spark burns
    and make me feel nothing,
    but I stay here
    simply to have some place to be
    to say someone cares
    to tell that cluster of beautiful lies,
    but this home is like a hospital now,
    so rip me apart like a letter you can't bring yourself to read,
    for I'm the one you can't bring yourself to love.

    Submitted on 2004-05-29 03:19:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "But this home is like a hospital now" so great! I feel like this too! I am constantly getting torn to shreds by my lover and it official stinks! You put it into a nice concise group of elegant words that one again impress me.
    | Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh the analogy, I was a line ahead, not that it was that predictable, very original.
    Simply to have some place to be
    To say someone cares
    When I read that my mind raced and shouted at me,
    "but that's a lie" and then you wrote
    To tell that cluster of beautiful lies
    and I grinned. Not for the poem, it's sad, but for the connection that sparked from the screen, what you had written to that point had communicated so clearly, in so few words, that I already could have written the next line for you. Maybe it's from reading some of your other work before that I understood so well so soon.
    So, love the (bitter) medicine metaphor for your stagnant love. Have a nice weekend, and that topless pic? Love a well turned ankle baby, grrrrrr.

    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, this one must be dreadful! Somebody say something, even if you tell me it whomps in the worst way possible, please.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is dreadful! The style reminds me more of...me! And I swear you keep using words just days after I use them. Case in point: cluster. Albeit you used it in a totally different way, but I pictured the cluster of lies as if they were written on paper and crumpled into mountain shapes, yet still legible. Yep, I know that wasn't what you were going for.
    It's really not a bad poem per se, so much as that at the end I feel like I've read maybe four lines from one of your poems that another rather mediocre talent hijacked and littered with his own flat melodrama.
    "As briefly as a spark burns" is a really nice line.
    The "rip me apart like a letter" part seemed to me like it should have gone "rip me apart and remove my lungs, throw them on a steely tray, put them ice, and take them home to put in your display case beside my shriveled heart."
    OK, really that was just what I wanted because I thought that maybe it was coming and in my sick mind I liked the image. Perhaps you could communicate a similar image with greater effect.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      Really its not dreadful, I just like your so much of your other works so much more.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my [censored] god. I didn't just read black root's comment. I'm going to just take a deep breathe and forget about it.............
    THAT %^@$#$& #&#$%&$!!!!
    Why doesn't he just take away our paint buckets and musical instruments
    Oh, by the way, nice poem.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
      One more thing. Maybe what makes you feel this way is simply the RX medicine. It's got you all flatlined.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it cause somehow it reminds me of me and some person close to me (not a boyfriend...). anyway I like the 'love as medicine' very much and the ending was powerful. well done.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Carry written by saartha
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Azores written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer written by layDsayD
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fasade written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    I Do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]