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    dots Submission Name: Wrap Me In Hopedots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 37
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 818
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 269


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWrap Me In Hopedots

    Lying next to you
    in rainy-day slumber
    as peaceful as a gentle Easter,
    and when we awake
    you'll wrap me in hope,
    in perfect brightness,
    the rain purging our consciences
    like drunken weeping.

    Submitted on 2004-05-29 05:48:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Awww. I love this! I wish this were my life. So pretty... I want it! Hah... you're an excellent writer. This piece was really interesting because you made me jump up and down and be all happy cuz i want your life! *I'm strange today... don't mind me*
    | Posted on 2004-06-01 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]
      this is bueatiful...short and sweet...this is my most favorite thing you have wrote...hmmmmm..defently being added to my favorites....smiles ange
    | Posted on 2004-05-31 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]

    The rain purging our consciences
    Like drunken weeping

    That is the BEST line you ever wrote.

    I'm actually just astounded by this...
    But so, so, so spot on!
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      i love the imagery here- drunken weeping etc etc. A Short and sweet poem that grabs what you are trying to say and conveys it brilliantly.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Broken | [ Reply to This ]
    i'm completely lost.
    i really like the title... but i just don't understand the connection between hope and rain purging consciences and drunken weeping.
    also, i don't what is a gentle Easter either :(
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know how well this will stand up to psycho-analysis, but I liked it. Maybe a slight alteration of the last two lines can make the end more hazily hopeful or a continuance of earlier playfulness?
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      beautiful little love poem. I like the image of 'rainy-day slumber'. and the ending is great. it still keeps me thinking to figure it out but it sounds so good. and pieces that keep me thinking are always good.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice. I've been there before. So do y'all's minds particularly need a cleansing of the conscience? Just so all the ladies know, that's what it's like every morning when you wake up with me.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      I guess it's a think we all need, and only we - people - can bring such wonderful hope to each other. I feel... cold and broken, and this poem has warmed me up for a moment, it's a bright piece... such power inside.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      this is just beautiful, dumplin. much more hopeful than your previous one (which i haven't commented on yet 'cause i'm needing to read it again...!). i love the image of "rainy day slumber." i love that stuff! and i agree with learah, the last two lines are just incredible.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Love those intertwined emotions displayed here...nostalgia and comfort, reassurance and failure. There's also a grey, apathic feeling to it, like just lying there with that special someone, both of you lost in thoughts.
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by the apocrypha | [ Reply to This ]
      hm i dunno I think there's some kind of charm missing from it.... you're starting to move towards just telling a scenario, no showing it. I'd say transform a few of those lines into exquisite little images that, although none of us had thought of it before, work so well... the only line of true merit is the title line, "wrap me in hope".... expand on the blanket thee, perhaps...
    | Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]

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