Description: I have started to write again. There have been some incidents that have triggered some kind of inspiration, to put it that way. This current write seems to be quite simple but appearances can be deceptive. I'm not sure whether it came out well or not ….
I would really love to get some comments on everything really …. I mean any kinds of feedback would do. I'm interested in knowing if you got what I’m trying to get across and if you liked it.... as I pointed out earlier you can say whatever you fancy. Bash it if you are in the mood to do so ….
A passer by -------------------------------------------
Once I thought that living
Was an utter waste of time.
Then, I learned that life
Was just a passer by.
There was pain, mayhem
And a pit of pitfalls, no less.
Then people came along
and conquered my soul.
The first one taught me
What it really meant.
The second changed
My views and myself.
Now are others whom
I sense could be at stake
- Those I see every day-
For I'm not longer one of them.
hey! I loved this. So simple, and yet it is one of the lessons that so few people have learned. I've never quite seen this moral written with those words, and never thought I would. - But perhaps this is why I liked it so much. I enjoy the fact that you are able to put yourself into your work.
My favourite part was the ending. I'm not sure why, but it always seems that teh strongest parts of most poetry are always the very beginning, or the very end. In this case, both were strong - but I most remember and was most intrigued by the ending:
And I reckon...
That life is mildly great.
It's the words 'mildly great' put together. You've noticed that life isn't bad, but it's only great in a mild kind of way - and that Completely reflects on the people who think less of it than that...Brings me back to the title... Well, I'm 99% sure this won't make sense to you, I'm terrible at explanation..But I thought I'd say it anyway.
Great write. Keep it, and your chin, up. Best wishes, and good luck. - Don't let anyone else decide your emotion; as a writer, you have the ability to take what you feel and put it on paper so that nobody else can change it. And if you want to be happy, then put all that you don't like behind you and start a new... Like you've been told already, You are worth it.
This was cool, kind of like self-redemption almost...to me at least.
It reminded me of Dante's Inferno, or that christmas story with the 3 ghosts who take the guy back to see what life would be like without him (can't remember the title at the moment).
Oh, Ethan! I am so happy for you! And your writing here sounds so clear and simple...the way things are supposed to be. My only words of caution to you...are allowing "people to conquer your soul." You must conquer your own...else who is the one in control?
It's nice to step back...and observe. Have pity on them...and share your knowledge. Perhaps you may "save" someone also!
"And I reckon...That life is mildly great," is a perfect ending to a new beginning. Great job!!!
Submission Name: A passer by
