Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The Pieces Gleam

Author: precious_poetry
ASL Info:    19 F TN
Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137 /145 /67
Words: 152
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 807
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 955


A few of my friends and family have stuff going on, but I start to feel like its all lying on me. That the pain was tossed aside, and I am the only one left with a care. I can't let go of things like others can, I feel like my heart shatters a little more every day, because all the world's pain is left with me. That doesn't make sense, but its how I feel... lol

The Pieces Gleam

My generosity becomes a cancerous sore.
A heart full of love now tattered and worn.

The pain inside is more than my own
I die inside for others, sorrow so overgrown.

I forget myself amidst the troubles.
My soul suffers and heart ache doubles.

My tears flow, a continuous stream.
When someone hurts, my inner being screams.

Murderous tears fall from your eyes,
My heart can't take the saddened cries.

I care so much for those I cherish,
My heart becomes weak, and may soon perish.

With every passing day, my heart is more icy cold,
It freezes solid, then soon turns to stone.

With all the pain lying on my heart,
A little to much to take, I feel it shatter, fall apart.

Now on the ground at my feet, the pieces gleam.
Loving all of you is harder than it seems.

Submitted on 2006-11-18 14:09:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  This poem was sad, but I know how you feel. I've felt this way more than once, and it sucks. But yeah, this was a cool poem.

The only line I didn't like was this one,

'I die inside for others, sorrow so overgrown.'

I don't think you need the word so...

Great write,
| Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]
  Well you were doing the who ab rhyme scheme but one line made it a bit choppy. Just the words cold and stone. The poem altogether is a nice fluent poem that describes a heavy weight that causes us to fall. I like it but I think it needs more of a description of where the pain comes from.
| Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by Evil Jesture | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?