Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Pieces Gleamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 510
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 955



    Description:
       A few of my friends and family have stuff going on, but I start to feel like its all lying on me. That the pain was tossed aside, and I am the only one left with a care. I can't let go of things like others can, I feel like my heart shatters a little more every day, because all the world's pain is left with me. That doesn't make sense, but its how I feel... lol


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Pieces Gleamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My generosity becomes a cancerous sore.
    A heart full of love now tattered and worn.

    The pain inside is more than my own
    I die inside for others, sorrow so overgrown.

    I forget myself amidst the troubles.
    My soul suffers and heart ache doubles.

    My tears flow, a continuous stream.
    When someone hurts, my inner being screams.

    Murderous tears fall from your eyes,
    My heart can't take the saddened cries.

    I care so much for those I cherish,
    My heart becomes weak, and may soon perish.

    With every passing day, my heart is more icy cold,
    It freezes solid, then soon turns to stone.

    With all the pain lying on my heart,
    A little to much to take, I feel it shatter, fall apart.

    Now on the ground at my feet, the pieces gleam.
    Loving all of you is harder than it seems.




    Submitted on 2006-11-18 14:09:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem was sad, but I know how you feel. I've felt this way more than once, and it sucks. But yeah, this was a cool poem.

    The only line I didn't like was this one,

    'I die inside for others, sorrow so overgrown.'

    I don't think you need the word so...


    Anywhoo,
    Great write,
    Lia
    | Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]
      Well you were doing the who ab rhyme scheme but one line made it a bit choppy. Just the words cold and stone. The poem altogether is a nice fluent poem that describes a heavy weight that causes us to fall. I like it but I think it needs more of a description of where the pain comes from.
    | Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by Evil Jesture | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    125658

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Etiquette written by saartha
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry