Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Pieces Gleamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 489
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 955



    Description:
       A few of my friends and family have stuff going on, but I start to feel like its all lying on me. That the pain was tossed aside, and I am the only one left with a care. I can't let go of things like others can, I feel like my heart shatters a little more every day, because all the world's pain is left with me. That doesn't make sense, but its how I feel... lol


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Pieces Gleamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My generosity becomes a cancerous sore.
    A heart full of love now tattered and worn.

    The pain inside is more than my own
    I die inside for others, sorrow so overgrown.

    I forget myself amidst the troubles.
    My soul suffers and heart ache doubles.

    My tears flow, a continuous stream.
    When someone hurts, my inner being screams.

    Murderous tears fall from your eyes,
    My heart can't take the saddened cries.

    I care so much for those I cherish,
    My heart becomes weak, and may soon perish.

    With every passing day, my heart is more icy cold,
    It freezes solid, then soon turns to stone.

    With all the pain lying on my heart,
    A little to much to take, I feel it shatter, fall apart.

    Now on the ground at my feet, the pieces gleam.
    Loving all of you is harder than it seems.




    Submitted on 2006-11-18 14:09:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem was sad, but I know how you feel. I've felt this way more than once, and it sucks. But yeah, this was a cool poem.

    The only line I didn't like was this one,

    'I die inside for others, sorrow so overgrown.'

    I don't think you need the word so...


    Anywhoo,
    Great write,
    Lia
    | Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]
      Well you were doing the who ab rhyme scheme but one line made it a bit choppy. Just the words cold and stone. The poem altogether is a nice fluent poem that describes a heavy weight that causes us to fall. I like it but I think it needs more of a description of where the pain comes from.
    | Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by Evil Jesture | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    125658

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry