With a gasp of pain, she quickly dug the knife into her skin, across the vein in her wrist, blood flowing up instantly. In her expression, you could see pain clearly mixed with relief, blessed relief, as she moved the knife over to her other wrist. Death would come this time, of that she was sure.
Many would think that she was too young to die. But in her fifteen years of life, she had seen more than most people twice her age, more than anyone should see in a lifetime. Abuse, prejudice, death of parents, death of a sister, rape of self. She just wanted it all to go away.
They didn’t understand. The therapists, her aunt and uncle, the teachers, friends. No one understood the depth of her pain. No one understood what it was like being an outcast the way she was. Ostracized from her school, her friends, even from her family. No one wanted to be near her. She was a freak.
Someone so different that they had to kick her out of her school because she was ‘upsetting’ the other students. They sent her to therapy to try to cure her. Her aunt and uncle tried to stay out of the house as much as possible, saying she could take care of herself. Her uncle started drinking again after being on the wagon for 13 years. Because of her.
Her friends, the ones who promised to be there for her always now either made fun of her in passing or ignored her completely. Her best friend couldn’t even stand to look her in the eyes, couldn’t even stand being in the same room as her.
She was the depressed kid, the kid who cut herself. The kid who had to be watched because everyone thought she was going to kill herself. She was the kid who was failing her classes, not because she wasn’t smart, because she was, but because she no longer cared.
This didn’t happen suddenly, thought it would have probably been easier if it had. But no, it took months. She lost friends one by one, her uncle started having a drink everyday when she would come home from school, then he started getting drunk before she even got on the bus. And though her therapist refused to give up on her, she doubted that he could help her any longer.
Once a week, then twice, and finally three times a week she was going to therapy. Sometimes saying nothing, sometimes talking about stupid things, and other times talking and crying until there was no time left.
Everyone hated her, wanted her gone. She was going to make all of them happy. As the blood puddled on the floor, she started feeling faint. Her vision started to blur and the room started going dark. Just as her eyes closed, she felt something... no, someone enter the room. She felt pressure on her wrists and then she passed out.
She woke up sometime later, not sure of how long she was out. Had it been moments? hours? days? Or had it been longer? She didn’t know where she was. Nothing around her looked familiar.
For a few brief seconds she thought she was in heaven, or maybe even hell. She tried sitting up, but she fell back, still weakened. Someone walked over to her, blocking the light from her face and in the process hiding their face in the shadows. She tried to talk but all that came from her mouth were sounds that were foreign to her, mere noises.
“Shh. Don’t try to talk.” A voice said. It was distinctly male, although not a voice she’d ever heard. She felt panicked, a valid response considering the memories of her past.
As if her sensed her panic he went to assure her. “I’m not here to harm you. Quite the opposite, in fact. You’re in a safe place. You have nothing to fear here. You were injured, near death. I believe that I saved your life.” He wasn’t saying this with a sense of superiority. He was speaking the truth as simply as he could. You could tell by the tone in his voice. She relaxed a little bit, but not as much as he had been hoping.
“There are people here to take care of you, to help you get better. I want you to let them help you, let them save you. You are not through here. If the pain ever gets to be too much, close your eyes and don’t think about what’s going on now. Think about your future. Think about what your life can be. Think about how things can only get better from this point, from this place.” He said, his hand brushing lightly across her arm. She felt a tingle as his hand stopped at her wrist.
“Never be ashamed of who you are. I know you don’t think so, but you are an amazing person. Someone who can bring an amazing light into the hearts of others. All you have to do is believe in yourself, believe in your future. Believe that because of your past, your future will be better.”
She nodded and the man smiled. “I will be there when you need me the most.” He added, brushing a lock of hair out of her face.
She had so many questions, so many things that she needed to know. As if realizing this, he shook his head. “In time all things will be answered.” And with that he stepped back.
She sat up in the bed and looked around. “Where am I?” She asked as she looked around. When she turned back to where he was standing, he wasn’t there.
A tall nurse with a name tag that said her name was Amy walked over. “Glad to see that you’re awake. I’ll call the doctor in. Is there anything I can get you?” She asked in a gentle voice.
“Where am I?” She asked again.
“Bellevue Hospital. You’ve been here for three days now. You had us worried for a while.” She said with a smile meant to comfort.
“Who was the guy in here?” Nurse Amy must have seen him, probably knew who he was.
Amy looked around in confusion. “I’ve been the only one in this room in the last half an hour.”
“But he was here.” She insisted. “He said that he saved my life.”
“Miss... there was no man.” |
Submission Name: The Guardian
