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    dots Submission Name: So Much For Talking...dots

    Author: Soul-Hugger
    ASL Info:    33/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 409/222/66
    Words: 35
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1177
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 233

       I wrote this poem when I was 17. That was some years ago now!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSo Much For Talking...dots

    So much for talking.
    Senseless words remain unchanged,
    situations are the same.
    Realms of carbon-copy dreams prevent escape,
    nights are gray as are the days,
    wonder fills a mind trapped in a cage.

    Submitted on 2006-11-19 10:30:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      just the name of your poem caught me, and of course i made the right decision to read it! its short and too the point and i truly believe that your one of those people who can pull off short pieces of work and not leave them lacking. good write!
    | Posted on 2010-12-17 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      What a succinct poem. The first line is very engaging, a snippet sentence which makes you want to read on. The idea of words that have become stagnant and the same situations replaying. This line: “Realms of carbon-copy dreams prevent escape” is fantastic. I have so felt like this, like the horrible helixes of time.
    | Posted on 2010-05-27 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
      This beautiful sonic pattern (half-rhyme and other sounds) written by a teenager prove that you were born to write verse, supposing you wanted to take it as seriously as that.

    The expression is so right-on, that the sentiment being expressed (which every young adult raves on about sometimes!) doesn't seem boring at all ... I'm 65, so that is a sort of compliment?
    | Posted on 2010-03-02 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      So much for talking
    Senseless words remain unchanged

    situations are the same.
    Realms of carbon-copy dreams

    nights are gray as are the days
    wonder fills a mind (encaged)

    Just as an example, I've tweaked your work slightly to demonstrate how you could tighten the lineation without radically changing either the poem or the meaning. Short pieces such as these tend to convey a great deal in very few lines. This was a fairly mature post for someone only 17.

    Nicely done
    | Posted on 2010-02-26 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      We believe that the world is all talk and no action. :)
    If I have a complaint, it is the structure, perhaps you could space it out after every line so it looks something like

    So much for talking.
    Senseless words remain unchanged,
    Situations are the same.
    Realms of carbon-copy dreams prevent escape,
    Nights are gray as are the days,
    Wonder fills a mind trapped in a cage.

    But then again, it could be for the effect. Short and sweet and well done I must say.
    Looking forward to more.
    | Posted on 2006-11-20 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]

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