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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Dream Fades Awaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soul-Hugger
    ASL Info:    33/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 409/221/65
    Words: 237
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 931
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1092



    Description:
       A poem I wrote when I was 13 after my first boyfriend dumped me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Dream Fades Awaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I reach out to touch a star,
    I hold it in my hand,
    but I haven't gone too far,
    I'm still sitting on the sand.
    The sun is shining brightly,
    on a lovely summer day,
    but now that seems unsightly,
    as my dream fades away.
    The star is just a starfish,
    the sand is just a floor.
    If I was granted my wish,
    I would dream a little more.
    My hand begins to tremble,
    my eyes begin to tear,
    as I think my dreams resemble
    another shattered year.
    Though life is full of sorrow,
    and youth is filled with dreams,
    I've lived too much for tomorrow,
    to see life for what it seems.
    I forgot about reality,
    was living in a lie.
    Those days were just too good for me,
    a taste of foreign sky.
    I'm back into my nightmare,
    and living in the town,
    where my life began, and soon will end,
    a dream that put
    me
    down.




    Submitted on 2006-11-19 13:06:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this piece has a wonderful, almost ethereal feel to it. i actually really enjoyed it.

    when i consider that it was written when you were 13years old speaks volumes to the innocence that is youth. dreams/wonder is to soul as skeleton is to the body. you cant have one with out the other. i am big on dreams and wonder. the moment we lose our sense of wonder we lose ourselves.

    overall, i think that this is a wonderfully write. nice rhyme and message. nice imagery as well.

    take care
    -john-paul
    | Posted on 2010-07-13 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really incredible. My favorite lines are "though life is full of sorrow,/ and youth is filled of dreams/ I've lived too much for tomorrow/ to see life for what is seems." I think this is a really excellent poem, and the first stanza is also especially creative. "I reach out to touch a star..." excellent work! Thanks for sharing this. I can't think of anything I think could make it better.
    dancer
    | Posted on 2009-11-21 00:00:00 | by dancer-of-words | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I think we're programmed to run home at the worst... even if there is no "home" and no one there, you're drawn back. Salmon thinking, I've been calling it lately. The last stop town is usually where it all went down... "Do you know what I am saying?" (Butters, Season 13, 'Butters Bottom Bitch' episode.)
    | Posted on 2009-11-05 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really excellent! It has very good structure, an enjoyable and lucid story, and a good rhyme scheme.

    Nice work!
    | Posted on 2009-09-03 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is a good poem. I am impressed that your description states you were only thirteen when you wrote this. It is filled with great details of the sorrow you felt and gives the reader some great insight as to how this experience affected you. The flow and rhyme here are well done, it just rolls right along and never stumbled once. And, this is a poem we can all relate to, as we have all felt this feeling at least once in life, at least I can speak for myself anyway. Very well done.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-12-02 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Wrote this when you were 13? Unbelievable. It's really really good.
    And once again I am lured by titles.
    I love the rhyme and the message. No complaints on this one.
    Cheers
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2006-11-23 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very strong poem that I feel a connection to because I too hold so strong my visions of my youth
    This instantly drew me back to a sad time I remember it was my 13th birthday and I had to celebrate it sitting in a funeral home giving my respect to my grandfather as he died the day before my bithday
    That man was such a beautiful man and I will never forget the Love he gave me
    I will let you in on a little secret
    Though I turned 38 on November 18th I have never experienced Love as in a relationship
    I have been hurt too many times in Life to lower my guard and allow someone besides Family and True Friends to understand and feel the Love I have
    I believe they will only throw it back at me and I will find myself hurt yet again as I was through at least 90 percent of my life
    You write very well
    I know you said you were only 13 when you wrote this but I feel that adds true honest emotion to this write
    Excellent Job
    I look forward to reading new poetry from you and I do sincerelly hope we can be Friends
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-11-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I too was atttracted to this poem by the title and I am glad to say it did not disappoint. this piece was a little better then the frist one I read, and I really like the first one, so I" guess this like a bigger compliment than that was....and in that case "double kudos" on this write. My favorite lines were:
    The star is just a starfish,
    the sand is just a floor.
    If I was granted my wish,
    I would dream a little more

    these lines were so creative and well written

    great write
    llcollins
    | Posted on 2006-11-20 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]
      The title is really good and attracted me to the poem straightaway.It rolls along nicely and rhymes pretty well.I especially like the lines<I think my dreams resemble another shattered year> and <a taste of foreign sky>We've all felt trapped at certain times in our lives and you portray the feeling well here.
    Cheers
    A.C
    | Posted on 2006-11-19 00:00:00 | by Asakura Cowboy | [ Reply to This ]


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