Rabbit Paranoia by Finnigan

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Submission Name: Rabbit Paranoia dots

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Author:	Finnigan
ASL Info:	17/M/IL
Elite Ratio:	8 - 149/56/11
Words:	214

Class/Type:	Story/Childrens
Total Views:	615
Average Vote:	4.3333
Bytes:	1360

Description:
Hah, I don't think I done a good job on this one. Tell me if like it. I think that I put a good twist on this one, but it needs improvement.

-Thanks to:

GoKart Mozart for finding a grammar error.
manwithnoname for finding a spelling error.

Rabbit Paranoia dots

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Oh my fuzzy wuzzy little bunny,
Your black fur gives off love and warmth.
Oh my fuzzy wuzzy little bunny,
Your eyes capture innocence.

My fuzzy wuzzy little bunny,
Oh my fuzzy wuzzy little bunny,
Why, oh, why my fuzzy wuzzy bunny?
Was it you, my fuzzy wuzzy little bunny?

The music keeps on going,
Paranoia continues a-running,
Eyes look to the left,
Eyes look to the right.

The lights center in,
Everyone's a stranger, no one is a'kin.
The walls close in,
So dark, no one here, it seems that he has fallen into the trash bin.

If I remember correctly,
My fuzzy wuzzy little bunny,
It was him!
It was him!

His eyes, those black, buttony eyes,
How they disgust me.
Oh my fuzzy wuzzy little bunny,
Let's be cute and just say he should be runny.

That nasty black fur of yours,
How it reminds me of death.
Oh my fuzzy wuzzy little bunny,
Let's let me say that he'll be in the ground soon.

Oh my fuzzy wuzzy little bunny,
You told me so much in so little time.
Let me say it here, that he was good,
He was such a good guy until his life was ended with a knife.

Submitted on 2006-11-19 16:58:51 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Was it prose or poetry? Because I think it was a bit of both and I found it really good. Firsy, you used realy light poetry, no big words, no heavy implications...it was, as I see it, dark humour- talking about doing something bad in a comletely childish and innocent way- kind of got me smirking.I thought that you effectively got rid of the creepy-nessI think I can compare it something like Dexter, which is about a serial killer as the main character--the reader like the character even though it is a bad one because of the way he presents his 'story'.Good job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
| Posted on 2009-06-18 00:00:00 | by Emeera | [ Reply to This ]
  ...

...

I always knew you were insane, Finny. xD

Actually, this is good. Interesting. Original. I mean how many people do you know write about bunnies in the first place? And, then, you took the unusual theme...and personalized it. *shivers*

Creepy.

But, deliciously unique.

If I remember correctly,
My fuzzy wuzzy little bunny,
It was him!
It was him!

Don't know why, exactly, but I really like that stanza. *points at random dude* It was him! It was him! Catchy. :)

I'm not sure I like the very last line...compared to the rest of the poem it seems...too long. Hm...but, maybe it should be that way.

*thinks*

Yes, it changes up the versery. xD Or whatever you call it. Draws your eyes to it.

*shrugs*

Anyways, this 'critique' is getting really long. So, to sum it up....

WONDERFUL...and creepy.

~Sweets.
| Posted on 2009-01-27 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]
  let me tell you rabbits are evil. i like this story.its really good. (=
| Posted on 2008-11-17 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
  GoKart Mozart found a grammar error. I found a spelling error.
"innosence" = innocence

This is messed up in so many ways. Did you stab that rabbit? Oh, land sakes if you did. I shall avenge you, little black bunny!

This was both insane and cute. Fuzzy wuzzy black bunny. Mmm...cotton candy!

I don't know why someone would get paranoid about a rabbit. That's why this poem is unique. And neurotic. Just let me call the men in white. I'm sure they'd like to come visit you.

Toodleloo!
| Posted on 2007-10-15 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]
  you're a very interesting person and poet. it intrigues me. but anyway.
my turn!

first of all, the message i got out of this poem is that you have a pet rabbit that you confide in.

and it sounds like you are upset because a friend- a very close or admired friend-has been murdered. ((sound smore like murder than suicide...yes...))

with all the fuzzy-wuzzy-little's (which kinda made me sick =] ) it sounds like you've receeded to the child within you

receeded? idk, i think that's right

that poem kinda creeps me out....

anyway

"The lights center in,
Everyone's a stranger, no one is a'kin.
The walls close in,
So dark, no one here, it seems that he has fell into the trash bin."

that should be fallen* instead of fell

and stanzas such as this remind me of a carnival type place-where you can win bunnies o_O

other than that i havn't much else to say

oh, btw

what the heck are these elipses you speak of? =S

k

+Moz+
| Posted on 2007-10-10 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
  i like rabbit stew.

with black pepper and carrots.

yum.
| Posted on 2007-09-07 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
  ...ehh. You've definitely got a strange way with these things. I'm not sure whether to be disturbed or to laugh or to run around screaming while I try to pull my eyes out the back of my head. It's cool that you can manage that, though.

I think your line length in the very last line of the poem needs to be about half the syllables it is right now, since it breaks the flow to put it in the way it was there. You're sacrificing quality for an internal rhyme and detail, which shouldn't happen in a work like this.

"Let's let me say that he will be in the ground soon..."

Well, I think you've actually inspired me to come up with a new character. Yes, I know that's strange, but I've got a story with six main characters and no enemies right now; they need a villain to deal with, yeah? I'll try and do some sketches later today; right now I'm trying to get my mind to work properly.

Would you believe that my last five comments or so have been this long? I'm surprised at me.

--crimson
| Posted on 2007-08-03 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
  Oddly enough, I actually get the metaphor
| Posted on 2007-07-29 00:00:00 | by Kiddo | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, now i don't know if you accuactly ar referring to a bunny our someone or something else but it is still good it reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe's "Black Cat" i liked it
| Posted on 2007-05-16 00:00:00 | by Lost-Poet | [ Reply to This ]
  I couldn't follow...but, I liked it. It was hilarious even though it was confusing and weird and freaky and a little disturbing. Good job...I think.

Goodbye Mr. All-Knowing!

~Piper
| Posted on 2007-04-02 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]
  Dang. the previous comment was just so much better.
but man, finfin.. you are nuts. eheh and i like that. I mean. whatr the hell inspired you to write about fuzzy wuzzy little bunnies??
and i don't get it. did the narrator kill the bunny? *giggles* then he would be talking to a dead bunny body. and to himself in 3rd person. or the killer is the someione with buttony eyes. or something. i fellow fuzzy bunny.
please enlighten me! well at least the title fits haha. paranoia it is.
well uhm. im comment-stupid.
[censored]e. I lost the commenting spirit. I used to eb good at it. thats why my previous comment was better. Blame it all on the internet.

-janneke

keep the weirdiness alive!
| Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
  Uh..

Let me just say, I'm personally freaked out.

Okay, now that's out of the way, This was funny. You go from Fuzzy Cute Bunny to some guy being killed by a knife. Sounds like a story, very creepy. Telling the story of a man who loved a furry bunny and went crazy 'cause he thought the bunny told him to kill some guy. I think that's right...
Dang creepy, it is.
| Posted on 2006-12-28 00:00:00 | by MowsysWrath | [ Reply to This ]

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