[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Garden of Lacedots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 198
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 699
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1155

       I want it to wrap around like a dream, and settle like dust into your pretty little lashes.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGarden of Lacedots

    sewed into her flower garden
    were miles and miles of lace
    brilliantly colored in gold and red
    speckled of green with vines running in and out of tiny holes that would give her room to breathe
    Oh Darling! the pretty colors and sweet little songs that the birds sing
    and to us they do sing!
    they sing about love and lost firebugs and the day like yesterday that came a year ago this morning
    with the morning, dew on the lovely lace of the face of the maiden, the smile of the child
    all cuddled and intertwined into her lovely lace
    such beauty comeing from such a simple piece of being, so many laughs that would echoe through the trees and down the path to her front door
    inside the door
    a lonely lad in a rocking chair
    rocking, smiling sadly and crying
    what he would cry for no one would know
    until he looked about her face
    and we knew that he could never escape
    he was trapped in the shed, rocking forever and his rocking chair would rock
    and sew
    yards and yards of lovely lace, that would dance about her flower garden

    Submitted on 2006-11-20 12:12:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was absolutly beautiful. In the beginning i though it was going to be stupid but somehow you changed everything around and it was amazing. It needs more though. Something like this can use a lot more, I expected something like this to go on and on, you need to explain things more and open up a window to your imagination.
    I love it though. Work on it, Im going to be selfish and ask a lot from you because i am already in love with this and im anxious to see what your ideas and thoughts will do for this.


    p.s. if you could just check my poetry out and comment that would be much appreciated. Thanks.
    | Posted on 2007-04-04 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      An interesting, almost wistful piece of poetry ... more like a prose poem actually ... nicely romantic and so well done all around ... the over all effect is quite good, indeed ... I liked it muchly ... bravo ... bravo ... Michael
    | Posted on 2006-12-20 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      At first I was sure you were on to something really great, but then it kinda slumped from there. Are you speaking of a garden ornament covered in lace? You need to clarify your idea, because it seems to jump around. After "to give her room to breathe" (And it was up to here I thought; awesome, what's this going to be about?!) you jump to "Oh Darling.." who is saying "oh darling?" And then, the lonely lad just appears out of nowhere. I think I would have given the people a little more description, especially between these two areas. I would like to know what this poem is really about. Keep writing!
    | Posted on 2006-11-20 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
      until he looked about her face
    and we knew that he could never escape
    i didn,t get this part, who are we? the lad in the chair and you, or is there a third person? i would call it abstract,i dont know if that were your intentions or not, but i dont mean it negative,i liked the poem, i didnt understand all of it but it made good reading.
    | Posted on 2006-11-20 00:00:00 | by bogeyman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    prison written by ShyOne
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    The World written by jjd
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]