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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Deeperdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Twisted
    Elite Ratio:    7.47 - 159/57/75
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 531
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 655



    Description:
       Twisted Wins!

    Creator Notes

    I found this poem the perfect one for what my topic was about, there were so many poems to choose from, and i would like to comment on all of thier stuff. However this poem spoke of hate, and the death of someone inside (physically, and mentaly) yet show the love for the toucher. It was short but got the point accross very nicely. I do enjoy long and short poems or stories. It is truly Love Vs. Hate in a situation such as this. I got that the person was being raped and it was killing them inside, yet they loved it so much that they wanted more. Please send me your names again so that i may comment on all of your stuff.

    --Death--

    P.S.

    Thanks to you all.





    Well, I found that winning a contest to be exciting...don't you? Well, what DeathTone said was in essence what my "poem" was about.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeeperdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Shadows stir and laugh at me through a crack in the ceiling,
    I donít give a damn anymore,
    I like it, the pain,
    From my bind, the pain when he plunges deeper,
    So I disobey, and let him punish me,
    Deeper, deeper into my battered jewel, no longer innocent, but filled with your essence.
    Just hold me still, let me fight, as you go deeper into me, I accept you, I secretly want you,
    Though I say I hate you.
    Just go a little deeper and Iíll love you,
    But I donít give a damn about love, I just want you deeper inside me,
    And Iíll hate you as long as you want me too.




    Submitted on 2006-11-20 16:43:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "Deeper, deeper into my battered jewel, no longer innocent, but filled with your essence."

    wonderful line...such a rich and obscure way to be so explicit.

    the poem plays into your motif of twisted pain...intriguing giving the context.

    a tormented and short write, but effective in what you are trying to do.
    | Posted on 2006-11-20 00:00:00 | by googie | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    7. What was unclear?
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    9. How could it be improved?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    125883

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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