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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Somehow, One Lacks the Wordsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ari Leukos
    ASL Info:    17/Male/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.92 - 92/129/44
    Words: 200
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 159
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1604



    Description:
       A conflict of two thoughts,
    As if each could speak it's tiny mind...

    A conversation? Perhaps.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSomehow, One Lacks the Wordsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    What to say?

    A tale, rather golden and lovely,
    Wrought from so idyllic a passion
    Is what one longs to tell, and believe;
    Yet desp'rate are the dreams he fashions

    What to say?

    You! Speak not of love
    Or passion, even truth!
    Say only words that
    Are good, and kindly, too


    Longing, soaring, and pleading aloud;
    Inborn truths, his guidance and his light;
    They'll rise proud above the lonesome crowd
    By only the virtue of their might

    Fool! What have you giv'n
    Of value, of worth
    To demand, so blunt
    A blissful moment's mirth?


    But love is bliss, and love is blind!
    A sunrise, radiant in glory
    Illuminates this, his troubled mind
    And enlightens the waves of the sea

    Nay, heartless words fall
    To the ground, trampled;
    Shameful, the mind that
    Scorns that which it knows not


    O! Follow this soul-drawn image!

    O! Leave behind this cruel pretense!

    Somehow
    One lacks the words to express content,
    Blissful, and jubilant!

    Somehow
    One lacks the sense to be humbly silent,
    Forgive, and repent!


    ...Somehow, One Lacks the Words




    Submitted on 2006-11-20 21:24:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Ari-

    I really love the way you've fashioned this conversation sort of thing- (...er, poem...) although I would view it as more as the disagreeing voices we often hear in our heads. Or is it just me? Haha, I don't know if you meant it to be humorous, but I found myself smiling at some parts, just because the first voice seems very impulsive and desperately dreamy, while the other replies with a scolding and more level-headed tone. Although this voice sometimes, and most likely usually, most boring, it is, however, necessary for contrast for the poem's sake I suppose! The second voice seems very spiteful and even jealous of the first, which is probably much more popular at school!

    Every word seems perfectly chosen and placed, and, as usual, I have nothing to offer in terms of revision, but I can always give you my interpretation, which is much longer (as it always is), but that might get boring.

    -Lucy
    | Posted on 2006-12-27 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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