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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hold Fastdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: clovernfoxglove
    Elite Ratio:    5.16 - 76/83/33
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 127
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 598



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHold Fastdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Holding fast to my little pile of dreams,
    drawing them neatly next to my heart,
    aching for the time of sweet surrender
    when my maker will at last come
    down.

    I watch for the day when life will stand still,
    vigilant to the coming of a saviour.
    I wis hand hope,
    sing and pray, for the heralding trumpet sound.

    My soul will be safe in a cleft of the Rock,
    and nestled next to the hearth of my home.
    For the treasure stored up in that fair palace
    I am waiting, patiently, quietly, waiting here and now.




    Submitted on 2006-11-21 10:55:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a beautiful piece of literature that seems to have a ring of " 'Fret not, for I will come again', He's preparing a place for you."

    I rather enjoy the voice of this poem- it is soft and etched with a humble strength. It is patient and waiting for your savior. It shows a lot of faith and dedication to your god.
    I admire this in you, as well as your words.

    On more of a level of critique:
    There is a bit of something off about some of your breaks.
    Most obvious, to me at least, is the single word line at the end of stanza one. Just pop it up onto the fourth line of stanza one and I don't see a problem.

    "I wis hand hope,"
    I'm going to assume that this is supposed to read 'I wish and hope'. Minor error, and I make it all the time. Just a quick fix there.

    The breaks in here (I watch for the day when life will stand still,/ vigilant to the coming of a saviour./I wis hand hope,/sing and pray, for the heralding trumpet sound.) could use a little work, just so the third line in this stanza isn't so short as it breaks the flow considerably.

    Try something like:
    "I wish and hope, I sing and pray,
    listening for the heralding trumpet sound."

    It'll just keep it moving smoothly.

    Beyond that there's not much I can give as far as negatives.
    This is a lovely and peaceful poem.
    ~Ana.
    | Posted on 2006-11-21 00:00:00 | by Ana_Mad | [ Reply to This ]



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