[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: A Warriors lovedots

    Author: ChrystalR
    ASL Info:    23/Female/Norway
    Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 126/121/58
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1236
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1122

       So you will understand, the weakness was love...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Warriors lovedots

    She walked the halls of thunder
    praised the beasts within
    Screaming to the gods of hell
    while bathing in her sin

    Drowning in the blood of young
    raised the sword of might
    Again her blade pierced through all
    those within her sight

    Then a warrior stood before her
    crossing the path to see
    The hollow painting of victory
    all that she would be

    They fought like raging seasons
    stood their ground indeed
    But then he ascertained a weakness
    and expected her to plead

    Though she now had been defeated
    by this simple scheme of wit
    Despite her nature as a murderer
    he still wanted every bit

    The queen warned him sincerely
    told the tale of red
    Still he fell for the same weakness
    that to victory had led

    Her hands coloured by warrior blood
    the goddess had been wrong
    There will be no mercy, nor salvation in hell
    of which murderers belong


    Submitted on 2006-11-21 17:28:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i like a lot. it almost sounds like something that may belong in a fantasy. because thats always how the hero wins, by explioting a weakness like that, and normallly it comes back to them again.
    my only sugestion to improve it would be take one of the "murderur" and "weakness" and try and find a synonym for them, because no other word for discription wax repeated except murderur or weakness. it doesnt need it desperatly. i just think it will give your piece that extra little bit.

    | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by eowyn | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    This written by Chelebel
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]