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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Warriors lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ChrystalR
    ASL Info:    23/Female/Norway
    Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 126/121/58
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1236
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1122



    Description:
       So you will understand, the weakness was love...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Warriors lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    She walked the halls of thunder
    praised the beasts within
    Screaming to the gods of hell
    while bathing in her sin

    Drowning in the blood of young
    raised the sword of might
    Again her blade pierced through all
    those within her sight

    Then a warrior stood before her
    crossing the path to see
    The hollow painting of victory
    all that she would be

    They fought like raging seasons
    stood their ground indeed
    But then he ascertained a weakness
    and expected her to plead

    Though she now had been defeated
    by this simple scheme of wit
    Despite her nature as a murderer
    he still wanted every bit

    The queen warned him sincerely
    told the tale of red
    Still he fell for the same weakness
    that to victory had led

    Her hands coloured by warrior blood
    the goddess had been wrong
    There will be no mercy, nor salvation in hell
    of which murderers belong






    ....




    Submitted on 2006-11-21 17:28:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like a lot. it almost sounds like something that may belong in a fantasy. because thats always how the hero wins, by explioting a weakness like that, and normallly it comes back to them again.
    my only sugestion to improve it would be take one of the "murderur" and "weakness" and try and find a synonym for them, because no other word for discription wax repeated except murderur or weakness. it doesnt need it desperatly. i just think it will give your piece that extra little bit.

    evelyn.
    | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by eowyn | [ Reply to This ]


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