i like a lot. it almost sounds like something that may belong in a fantasy. because thats always how the hero wins, by explioting a weakness like that, and normallly it comes back to them again. my only sugestion to improve it would be take one of the "murderur" and "weakness" and try and find a synonym for them, because no other word for discription wax repeated except murderur or weakness. it doesnt need it desperatly. i just think it will give your piece that extra little bit.