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She walked the halls of thunder praised the beasts within Screaming to the gods of hell while bathing in her sin Drowning in the blood of young raised the sword of might Again her blade pierced through all those within her sight Then a warrior stood before her crossing the path to see The hollow painting of victory all that she would be They fought like raging seasons stood their ground indeed But then he ascertained a weakness and expected her to plead Though she now had been defeated by this simple scheme of wit Despite her nature as a murderer he still wanted every bit The queen warned him sincerely told the tale of red Still he fell for the same weakness that to victory had led Her hands coloured by warrior blood the goddess had been wrong There will be no mercy, nor salvation in hell of which murderers belong .... |
i like a lot. it almost sounds like something that may belong in a fantasy. because thats always how the hero wins, by explioting a weakness like that, and normallly it comes back to them again. my only sugestion to improve it would be take one of the "murderur" and "weakness" and try and find a synonym for them, because no other word for discription wax repeated except murderur or weakness. it doesnt need it desperatly. i just think it will give your piece that extra little bit. evelyn. | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by eowyn | [ Reply to This ] | |