Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Re: Illusions and life and suchdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 365
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 608
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2023



    Description:
       continuation of other things.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRe: Illusions and life and suchdots
    -------------------------------------------


    NOthing has changed, except perhaps my disease. I have shed it. A new skin is emerging, and I haven't the slightest idea what it will be like. I find I have little room to care. For these are the things that hold my attention. These are the things that keep me awake, these are the things that make me naseuous and fill my throat with stomache acid:

    A child was born. She evolved through the years, with knowledge and experience, and a natural curiousity about life, into a girl. Overnight, embraced in the arms of her lover she becomes a woman, the beloved. Now she holds herself a different way. Now her thighs are perverse. No matter, these are the things that a child experiences...this is life. But I looked at hers in a better life, I had hoped that she would become something brilliant without the corruption of her fellow, not that it is wrong...we have all walked this path. Love. We are females that are in love with love, such passionate creatures how could we be something otherwise. Simply this thought however, "What if she could have been something better? Her love and ideas could have changed the world."


    ... A passionate heart is crushed, pulled from its innocence and turned bitter in only two years time...and what are two years in a womans life? Two years, it took for him to change this heart, to take away all the wonder and beauty that had been building up for two decades. (And now I lay me down to sleep...and while my head settles into satin sheets, I think of her. I think of him, and really it is all so sad.)

    ...and this boy, this boy that she watched so carefully...nothing has changed. Maybe she is more like him than she would like to believe. He too is the observer, he watched from afar and judges them all. Never thinking he is better, for he is all but given up on himself. Now he too is a lover. Clever magazines are nothing compared to her. And who can argue with Love?

    ...(to be continued)




    Submitted on 2006-11-22 00:29:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
       "...and this boy, this boy that she watched so carefully...nothing has changed. Maybe she is more like him than she would like to believe. He too is the observer, he watched from afar and judges them all. Never thinking he is better, for he is all but given up on himself. Now he too is a lover. Clever magazines are nothing compared to her. And who can argue with Love?"

    Clever magazines are nothing compared to her?

    I can't figure out what this means, unless it is a reference to Jim's magazine, but I don't see how that would fit in. Please let me know about that.

    Overall it was a pretty good piece. It reminded me a lot of 'My Life, the Illusion' that I wrote a while back. Was this written, with that in mind? I ask because of what you titled this piece, and because of its subject matter. Sorry if that sounds vain or concieted or whatever, just asking.

    Still planning on continuing it? That'd be good. Real good.

    Anyways, let me know about the magazine thing and then I'll probably comment it further.
    | Posted on 2007-02-21 00:00:00 | by Derrick Thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      I just realized that I have read this and not commented on it. I read it right after you wrote it, when Derrick came back and we had to hurry and reconnect his internet. It was frozen on my screen. And I thought it was beautiful. And it made me cry. Things cahnge...sometime for the better, and sometimes for the worst, and sometimes just for the hell of it. And these thing make me sad. Apparently, I am not a creature that thrives on change. But I think this is marvelous. And I am delighted that you have shed your disease.

    And do you actually think about me and Tony that much?
    | Posted on 2006-12-01 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      It's good, Jazmine. I was playing a game and read this in the middle of the game. After I finished, I decided to shut the game off, and started writing.

    I don't know what it is, but this had something to do with some sudden change. I'm being vague, but this time I won't be specific.

    Expecting more, plus grammar/spelling/typo things corrected.

    -Noted grammar/spelling/typo things-
    --"NOthing" needs its O in lowercase.
    --"naseuous" should be "nauseous".
    --"stomache" should be "stomach."
    --"curiousity" should be "curiosity".
    --"hers" should be possesive "her's" ("but I looked at her's in a better life...")
    -That's about it.
    | Posted on 2006-11-23 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]
      F U C K I N G awesome!!!

    THIS is really good stuff here... hurry up and continue
    | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by psyko | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    126054

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    prison written by ShyOne
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry