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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: poisondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Leon Kennedy
    ASL Info:    15/m/La
    Elite Ratio:    2.78 - 51/75/22
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 1040
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 762



    Description:
       just looking for some comments...tell me if you think its good, bad, or whatever.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspoisondots
    -------------------------------------------


    as your words drip through my veins,
    i take in all the pain,
    this poison i have made,
    will surely bade,
    goodnight and goodbye to me and my life,

    the hurt is so clear on your face,
    nothing can or will erase,
    the things ive done,
    so go ahead and shun,
    me and all of our strife,

    the poison is so toxic to me,
    it burns and kills me silently,
    and in your hand lies the cure,
    but deaths already at my door,
    so bid me one last farewell,

    i will now wake up from my dream,
    ill wake to brimstone and fire's gleam,
    ill repent for eternity,
    with no way to flee,
    from this hell....







    Submitted on 2006-11-22 01:41:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey this poem freaking rawks.

    splendid write
    | Posted on 2006-11-30 00:00:00 | by darkness | [ Reply to This ]
      Good job, I really liked this one! It stuck out to me... and screamed my name. Only thing is..

    "from this hell...."

    Dosn't really flow well with the rest of the poem in my opinion. It made me want to re-read the poem (And I did) and that line still dosn't feel right. But hey that's just me.

    *Kneels respectfuly*
    ~David~
    | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by D.C.M. | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    126061

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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