Shadow's Deth -------------------------------------------
Just one kneeling shadow
dieing on the floor.
Mother's raping and tapping at the door.
But, I'm just lieing here,
dieing on the floor.
"Let me in she screams"
"To late" I whisper.
Just one kneeling shadow,
that now lies dead, on the floor.
I've always felt that you shouldn't be telling something in a poem, you should be describing, because the description will do the 'telling' for you, if that makes any sense. The quotations for example, aren't a bad thing -- but it takes away from the strenghth of the piece. It's a very good story line, but I agree with 'RashPub' it could use another look at =]
I also found two mis-spelled words/typos.
Dieing should be ''Dying'' And Lieing should be "Lying"
i've never read such a thing. it's really unique. the only thing that bugged me was how much floor and door was used but besides that it was really good. kinda different from what i've read of yours before.
Submission Name: Shadow's Deth
