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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Circus Girlsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: numbertwenty
    ASL Info:    16 Female
    Elite Ratio:    1.41 - 55/25/9
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 871
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 808



    Description:
       Basically about two completely different people who are going through that stage in life where they feel like an outcast and feel their existance isn't noticed.

    Critique please =]


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCircus Girlsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You walk the tight rope
    just like the acrobat you see on stage
    You see her grace and beauty
    you just don't feel the same

    She steps and she turns
    so confident in balance
    but you can't muster up a move
    theres a fifty fifty chance you'll lose

    Her hair long and silky
    her face exquisitly devine
    Your roots are growing in
    Makeup isn't something you can find

    She glances in your direction
    you turn and look away
    Despair is in her eyes
    A different story, a different day

    You both walk that tight rope
    Circus girls in the making
    Different as can be
    but the same way you're fading.




    Submitted on 2006-11-22 14:41:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      women are so competative sometimes(smile)
    Great poem #20!
    Is that a Tony Stewart thing?#20?
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2007-11-25 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel stupid because everyone else gets the message but me.

    Anyway, the rhyme scheme is nice, and everything flows very well. :)

    -tma
    | Posted on 2006-12-26 00:00:00 | by Two Meters Away | [ Reply to This ]
      It is so very true that lives run parallel, and we often cannot even fathom another person's perspective. The grass usually is NOT greener on the other side. Everyone has their own problems and pain. This is a wonderfully though out piece. Thanks for sharing, Peggy
    | Posted on 2006-12-04 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      What is this about? Its well done, but I don't see the meaning. PM me and let me know!
    | Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by Desolate_beauty | [ Reply to This ]
      "theres a fifty fifty chance you'll lose"

    im sorry to say but that line kills the whole poem! i prefer somethin else in its place like:

    She steps and she turns
    so confident in balance
    but you can't muster up a move
    Instead you struggle to have talent

    you know somethin like that..right now im actually not in the deep thinking mood but basically (hopefully) you got my point.

    i love your state to this poem and how its original and fits with the title -beutiful i can say

    but i must say it could be almost to on my favorites..so i suggest you fix some parts and make it more beutiful. the title just caught my eye
    | Posted on 2006-11-24 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
      it's beautiful. it really gets me thinking. it said that everybody has insecurities and that we aren't alone in this world. good job.

    ~!davi!~
    | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by rocker5871 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is a really georgous piece with a great message. I really like this, well done. Keep up the great work. x

    ~lou~
    | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by elseibi | [ Reply to This ]


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    126133

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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