Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: (needs title)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: psyko
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 376/168/66
    Words: 207
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Depressed
    Total Views: 814
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1056



    Description:
       I need help with a title, and possibly adding to this. maybe one more verse or something.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots(needs title)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    With each smile, you cure me, of every emotional disease.
    From this cliff I fall down, for I die trying with no one around.
    I give in to my flesh, and I never want to feel the rest.
    My heart aches to hold one close. Closer still while I breathe in your soul.
    Just stop my fall.

    Pick me up, don't push away.
    Face your fears, don't look away.
    You give me life, and you give me hope.
    Just stop my fall

    It's too much for me, to ask of you. With two more days, 'til we are through.
    You leave me bleeding, left here to die. I'm falling through, there is no time.
    You stare at me, with hardened eyes. It's come to this; no more tries.
    I'm here no more, give in to me. You'll realize, how I make you Happy.
    Just let me fall.

    Pick me up, don't push away.
    Give me strength, to face today.
    You take my life, and you take my hope.
    Just let me fall.




    Submitted on 2006-11-22 23:22:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Dont listen to them, its not good at all, maybe it sshould be called,"I am an emo whiney whore who has attatchment issues,and a little penis"
    | Posted on 2009-04-15 00:00:00 | by Diablo Tapitio | [ Reply to This ]
      "I'm here no more, give in to me. You'll realize, how I make you Happy."
    ... love that bit.
    I'm shocking with titles myself, but the poems is telling of an absence ... of something lacking. I guess what I'm saying is that maybe you should try to capture this is your hypothetical title.
    shalom.
    | Posted on 2007-05-11 00:00:00 | by flyfire | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the idea of this poem. I don’t know why, I feel like as if something is missing ( besides the title lol). I would say just work on it a bit. Maybe another stanza?

    The title you……. let me thing……. how about "cure me"!?.
    I really do think that you should work on this poem just spend a bit more time, believe me you will be more then satisfied with the result.

    With each smile, you cure me, of every emotional disease.
    From this cliff I fall down, for I die trying with no one around.
    I give in to my flesh, and I never want to feel the rest.
    My heart aches to hold one close. Closer still while I breathe in your soul.
    Just stop my fall.

    This is my favourite part.
    With love shabnam
    | Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
      You could possibly title this "Fall", although that is a tad oversimplified.
    Was this supposed to be a love song? If it was, it's quite effective. If not, my brain's probably on a misinterpreting streak.
    Cheers
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2006-11-23 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      I have no idea on the title. I love the passion though. Just let me fall is to plain of a title.
    This is really good though
    | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by Desolate_beauty | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    126203

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    untitled written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Carry written by saartha
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Love written by saartha
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry