something by painfullyme

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Submission Name: something dots

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Author:	painfullyme
ASL Info:	23/F/MA
Elite Ratio:	2.86 - 335/456/72
Words:	195

Class/Type:	Lyrics/Depressed
Total Views:	406
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1462

Description:
the tune to this one popped into my head because of the first line. not quite sure where the rest of this came from. not quite sure if this is even any good.

something dots

-------------------------------------------

there's somethin'
missing in my eyes
not somethin' any
one can see
it takes a toll
upon my heart
destroyin' all
i thought i'd be

there once was
faith, hope, even love
shining through panes
of broken glass
but all that just
melts away
fades to black
becomes the past

wish there was something
to repair me
all these wounds
can slowly kill
nothing is as it once was
nothing can be
never will

there's somethin'
missing in my eyes
not somethin' any
one can see
it takes a toll
upon my heart
destroyin' all
i thought i'd be

can't find the misplaced
piece of sight
that he stole as
he pushed away
it may only bea
small part of me
but it's loss hurts
more every day

just want my heart
to be whole again
want my eyes to
shine once more
can't stand the pain
that resides inside
want something better
to live for

there's somethin'
missing in my eyes
not somethin' any
one can see
it takes a toll
upon my heart
destroyin' all
i thought i'd be
*

Submitted on 2004-05-29 23:11:50 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I liked this a lot... as lyrics it would work well. There is nothing missing here as far as evoking a big grey cloud of loneliness and desolation goes. I liked the chorus best, especially the lines
"it takes a toll
upon my heart
destroyin' all
i thought i'd be"

a few typos to clean up, but they really don't take from the simple, clean driving message at all. silver
| Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  This is good. The words have good meaning. I think you broke the lines in odd spots but since it is a song type poem it wouldn't matter once you put it to music. Good write!
| Posted on 2004-05-29 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked the way you used your words. Although the broken lines messed with the flow of the read of the poem. I agree with borderline tears though, if this were put to music it would be just fine.
| Posted on 2004-05-30 00:00:00 | by magickandie | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked the way you used your words. Although the broken lines messed with the flow of the read of the poem. I agree with borderline tears though, if this were put to music it would be just fine.
| Posted on 2004-05-30 00:00:00 | by magickandie | [ Reply to This ]
  there's somethin missin in your eyes... you sound love lost and hurt. I suggest an axe, a machete and lots of people running around a room shouting "dont kill me!"

I love your work, its mystic and very alluring. you express yourself very well in this work, your feelings and your lost. Your avatar is pretty nice too, gothic.

nicely dark yet sad... I love it. †
| Posted on 2004-05-30 00:00:00 | by BloodChildVagueSoul | [ Reply to This ]

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