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    dots Submission Name: *The haunting*dots

    Author: pixie_007
    Elite Ratio:    3.36 - 45/77/63
    Words: 326
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1002
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1884


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    dots*The haunting*dots

    He was there again last night,but this time he stayed longer.
    He sat by the foot of my bed and asked me if I was asleep.
    I didn't move,I was too afraid to even breathe in case he heard me.
    I felt his hand pull at the covers and he gently tucked me in.

    Why won't he go away and leave my alone forever and ever?
    Have I not made it clear to him that I never want to see him again?
    He sat there,a motionless sillouette at the foot of my bed.
    I could feel his sad eyes staring,hoping I'd sit up and say goodnight.

    He writes letters to me.even though we live in one house.
    I never open them,I don't care what he has to say to me about the past.
    What happened long ago is something no one can change at all.
    And so,all the envelopes gather in a pile on the dining room table.

    He constantly begs me to forgive the things that he's done.
    And I constantly tell him that I'v already done that years ago.
    "Then why won't you let me near you,I want to love you again..."
    I can't let you do that,"the last time you loved it ended in death."

    Suddenly her pale face leaped out before me,cold,her eyes still staring.
    He said he loved her yet he took from her all she ever had.
    He always claims that the drinking caused his behaviour to turn.
    Never saw that coming,but he's still sorry he hit her that day.

    Prison broke his soul,he lost all faith in life after that.
    When he came back home he tried to make up for lost time.
    But 15 years is alot to try and fix if you don't know where to start.
    I cant help him either,I refuse to let him love me like he loved her.

    The last time he loved,it ended in death...

    Submitted on 2006-11-24 15:10:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the theme of this poem, and overall story. The voice in this is wonderful.

    My biggest problem with the story is all the grammer and spelling errors. I would suggest spell-checking your work, and making sure you're happy with it before you post it. Also, be careful not to switch the point of view too abruptly. What I mean is, the first four stanzas are all from the protaganists' point of view, then it switches to a third person POV. Watch out for that, because it can be confusing.

    Overall: Great idea for a poem, but I strongly suggest spell-checking, becase it can be distracting.

    Keep Writing,
    | Posted on 2006-11-26 00:00:00 | by GetFighted | [ Reply to This ]

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