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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beautiful Suicidedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AngelinDisguise
    ASL Info:    23/F/AUS
    Elite Ratio:    2.23 - 133/171/100
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 964
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1071



    Description:
       Ok Umm This Is The First Time Ive Written Like This So I Wud Really Appreciate Comments Of Any Sort


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeautiful Suicidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    not the one who always feels
    shes pretty or smart
    cant see where shes going
    or where to start
    cast out by the world
    and taken in to someones heart
    shes seen her life begin
    and always torn apart
    tormented and broken each and everyday
    knowing with each mistake
    shes going to have to pay
    wearing a smile and hiding her fears
    she looks up at him
    with her eyes filled of tears
    and as she looks into his eyes
    she smiles for they hold
    she sees what no others can see
    she sees into his soul
    a heart with no emotions
    a mind filled of hate
    A life has been regiven
    a soul now has a fate
    a child who had been thrown out
    taken in by a heart that is pure
    suffering all alone and in despair
    everyones soul needing repair
    his mind beaten, battered, and abused
    afraid of what she might choose
    you see in her bag there laid a knife
    that girl was me about to take my life




    Submitted on 2006-11-25 00:50:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very deep.. So deep it actually touched my heart. I guess I can relate... No.. I can. No guessing. Welcome to the favorites list and if you need me remember- I'm here.
    | Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngelKat | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it's very deep, I feel that I can relate.
    Keep it up hun,
    Jenny
    | Posted on 2006-11-26 00:00:00 | by Darklonelygirl | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very deep...but the flow is kinda of ify in some parts. very good otherwise.
    Write on,
    Lanna
    | Posted on 2006-11-26 00:00:00 | by EmeRalDEyeZ5491 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was heartfelt and about a girl who may have been either rejected, had a boyfriend or loved one die. I thought the refrain type nature of the style quite mournful. There were a couple of clunky bits.

    with her eyes filled of tears

    You need to change this it's right in the middle and destroys the flow.

    Otherwise good. Nice photo.
    | Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by nascentpawn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    126480

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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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