Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sorrydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Morilla
    ASL Info:    16/F/Somewhere
    Elite Ratio:    4.3 - 10/8/9
    Words: 223
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 113
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1422



    Description:
       Written 21st Jan '06


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSorrydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I say I'm sorry but it's not good enough,
    You've heard it one too many times before.
    "You don't mean it, it has no depth."
    Sorry has become another cliché,
    Another meaningless phrase one says to pass the time.
    But, if sorry is not good enough,
    What can I do to make it all right?
    What can I do to make it better?
    I'm not the best with words or comfort,
    I'm not the best with kind actions and hugs.
    Only you can tell me what to do to make it fine.

    But you won't tell me.
    You won't say a word.
    Things unseen and things unsaid,
    Things you'll never say.
    All because it's become too much,
    You can't take it anymore.
    I try to help, you push me away.
    Just because I'm young doesn't mean I'm stupid.
    I know what's going on inside your head,
    I know you want to give up on the world,
    I know you want to die.
    I've been through it before,
    I've been hurt and I want the hurt to go away.
    If I could, I would take all your troubles,
    And bat them all away into space.
    But I can't.
    Because the trouble is me.

    The trouble is everyone and everything.
    All I can do,
    All I can say,
    Is, I'm sorry, Mother.




    Submitted on 2006-11-25 03:22:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ok, im am not one to crticize people's grammar because I am not good at it myself, but I will speak on the emotion part of your poem. I cannot relate to your specific situation, but I get how saying sorry is a hard thing and it seems so common that it has lost its true value, but then again words were never really enough. but there is extreme frustration to try and figure out the right way to show your sorry, especially with stubborn people who won't tell you what would be the right way. ANYWAY...i like it and the feeling is true which is important above everything else (to me anyway).

    -angel-
    | Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by just an angel | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, dear. I must say one thing first and foremost. WRITING: THE ANTI-DRUG. This was an almost...simpering piece? A child begging for forgiveness? But at the same time rage over not being good enough? The wording was, like the apology, a bit worn out, but a lot of people could relate to this frustration. I'd work on cutting it a tad shorter while at the same time fleshing out the imagery.

    m-m-melora
    | Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.