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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Spirit of Bansheedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KimmyMim
    ASL Info:    47 Female New England
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 170/211/66
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Gothic
    Total Views: 180
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 829



    Description:
       


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    dotsSpirit of Bansheedots
    -------------------------------------------


    At dusk a white mist stirs above the hillock.
    Banshee inhales deep as she awakes.
    A vortex, slow, begins to prance about her.
    Leaves of painted frost begin to shake.

    With skill she molds and shapes a howling windsong
    and trips the light with long and silvery hair.
    Humming hymns, the leaves dance with her madness
    as her breath, an icy quiver, fills the air.

    Banshee warns of death with mewls that beckon.
    Her chorus motions cries of sad lament.
    Bone chilling screams articulate an echo,
    of moanful tunes, but only transient.

    Recounting tales she utters untold secrets.
    In magnitude, the Dance of Leaves commune.
    Hypnotic screams become the Banshee's weapon
    beneath an eerie, late December Moon.




    Submitted on 2006-11-25 10:51:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Just choke full of atmosphere and mooooood! Loved it, loved it, loved it! bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... michael
    | Posted on 2007-06-18 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      I beleive the word sidhe is pronounced "Shee" You might want to clarify that for any one unfamiliar with Irish folklore, Kimmy.

    Also, I think the poem could use a bit of refinement... syllable wise. I won't go into meter because Welsh and Irish forms tend to only worry about syllables and rhyme, and with your topic of the BeanSidhe, you could claim that as a 'spiritual predecessor."

    However, I would look at trying to organize your syllable lengths in some way. For the most part you stay with 10 and 11 syllable lines except for Ls 2 and 4 in the first stanza which are only 9s. I'd suggest moving a bit closer to a formal syllable count and pattern in the poem... make it a bit tighter and more finished of a piece. I'm not saying make all the lines the same length. Just... try and keep a consistancy in what line length goes where in each stanza.
    | Posted on 2007-03-13 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this peice struck me as quite haunting. I didn't find any other needed refinement other than the word "sidhe" - do you mean "sidle"? It's the closest word that fits into the first line I could find in my dictionary.

    But I like how the first stanza seems to invoke a sort of stirring - as she awakens her deep sleep and aroused by the scent of death in the cold air.

    I suppose this corresponds to a fable or mythe of some sort. And I'm quite curious what "the Dance of Leaves" represents. Perhaps a pagan symboligy of some sort?

    Anyhow, thanks for sharing.

    Sarah
    | Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ]


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