vulnerable by vohomegirl

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Submission Name: vulnerable dots

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Author:	vohomegirl
ASL Info:	29 on the line...
Elite Ratio:	6.84 - 318/193/79
Words:	83

Class/Type:	Poetry/Death
Total Views:	514
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	614

Description:

vulnerable dots

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my noose is satin silk
smooth and loose
around my neck

it hangs & swaggers low
with each sightless step
it brushes against
my exposed feet & glides above
the cold, hollow asphalt underneith

each crack is a bold underscore
of the solitude inside

but my noose glides & sails
in the salty wind
and wailes
waiting

patiently for the stricken moment

to be freed

forever
against gravity.

Submitted on 2006-11-25 14:57:38 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  WOW, I love it,

very well written,

"it hangs & swaggers low
with each sightless step
it brushes against
my exposed feet & glides above
the cold, hollow asphalt underneith"

Suicide from the view if the weapon, Nice write,

Thanks,

Spin

| Posted on 2008-04-29 00:00:00 | by Spin | [ Reply to This ]
  hey and hi i never seen yor posts before but wow i liked this piece alot the images you portrayed were phenominal
i am going to read some more

great write

sandman
| Posted on 2008-02-07 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it,........................But it makes me wonder.
Not about your work but about you. You have
seen alot and thats obiovious. One would even
say to much. But it is what it is. And I can tell your not the same girl you were when I started
Bulls#itn with you on this sight.

On another note...............................Good Job.

Late

Joshua
| Posted on 2007-11-19 00:00:00 | by oononotthatguy | [ Reply to This ]
  This is marvelous,I don't think Ive ever read something that took the word noose and ran with it so well...

No clichés,no angst,just great poetry...

"my noose is satin silk
smooth and loose
around my neck"

You had me already!

I didn't know where you were gonna go with it but by the end it was so cool...

This noose is always there,patiently waiting to entrap you when something happens to make you feel down..

The noose doesn't even have to be a noose,it can be that your vulnerable to depression.

I get panic attacks when I'm like that so it can feel like I'm okay when I'm okay,but its still there,you can feel it looming yknow?

I'm not clinically depressed or anything (I hope) Im just saying,this poem was quite relateable.

I didn't really take the view of suicide,even though it easily can be seen with that aspect too..

anyways all in all,great piece and you've given "noose" a new Leese of life so thank you for that at the very least,how Ive missed the word lol

Craig:-)

| Posted on 2007-06-28 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
  This reminds me of the women who are trapped by the burkas(sp?) they are forced to wear (although some choose to wear them and believe in tradition, let's not say ALL women are trapped by them)
that's my take on it

i am honestly thrown off by the last line about gravity
I wouldn't change a thing about the piece at all, but i would recommend something in the description to help the reader understand what you're trying to portray
| Posted on 2007-04-28 00:00:00 | by digitalflower | [ Reply to This ]
  To me, a satin noose is something that is barely noticeable; it's a familiar weight, and something part of you almost. I hate to enquire what it truly means; symbolically, I think you get your point across rather well, that we are all at the most vulnerable with those things most close to us...

The reason for all the italics: perhaps to say this with a whisper? That's what it made me think.

You've got a couple of typos, but hey, I know you're not too fussed about that sort of thing anyway.

Nice write Sarah... troubled and all too real, but still nice to ponder.

Peace,

Jase
| Posted on 2007-04-24 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  Once again, soooo extremely poetic and handled so wonderfully well (relating a jump, I'm guessing?) and done with ghostly brilliance ... I loved this, loved it! bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... michael
| Posted on 2007-04-06 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
  To me this was more about being afraid of something in life than life itself. I felt like the italicizing of the words meant that beautiful things come to those who aren't afraid of waiting...without giving in to that satin silk noose idea. I really do like the format of this piece. It is a powerful piece because of your imagery. "waiting/patiently for the stricken moment/to be freed" that's a lovely line...and to you I say jump into life. Write, dance, scream...just because you feel the temptation of a noose does not mean you should give into it...break free of it! :)
Also, on line 8 I think you want "underneith" to be "underneath".
Hope I helped!

Mary Yesterday
| Posted on 2007-01-03 00:00:00 | by Mary Yesterday | [ Reply to This ]
  my noose is satin silk
smooth and loose
around my neck

i let it hang & swagger low
with each sightless step
it brushes against my exposed feet
then glides above
the cold & hollow asphalt underneith

each crack is a bold underscore
like the solitude inside

but my noose glides & sails
in the salty wind
on it's own

and it waits

so patiently for the stricken moment

to be forever freed.

Nicely done! The instrument of death waits patiently for the skilled hand of the executioner to expertly conclude all things. I'd like to suggest trimming certain lines for the sake of paring the post down to its essential elements, but I can't. The fine balance you've developed internally would be destroyed if you did so. This is the single most, rip-roaringly good piece of writing you've ever posted on this site. Period.

Very nice, Sarah.
Take care.
Bill.
| Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

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