Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The Muck of Love

Author: beatthedrum
ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881 /810 /122
Words: 317
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1770
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1968


The Muck of Love

Prisms of dew create
elaborately flashy jewels.
The swamp of life can be beautiful
in morning sun as the last
of the nightly mist rises
and spreads into nothingness.
I was looking for a path;
something unexplored,
at least by me.

I had been walking
for an unmeasured segment of time,
carelessly taken with sensations
of floral and earthy scents.
The patterns of light and shadow
reminded me of an unnamed abstract
I had seen in an obscure
side street storefront gallery.
Perhaps it had been in Pasadena,
or maybe Bakersfield.

I was unaware that just ahead
pieces of presumed security
had crumbled to grains
and mixed with tears
to form a soggy bog.
Without warning… love
would be sucking hard
and attempting to drag me
deep into its trap.

The first notice was oozing
coolness between my toes.
I stood still enjoying the feeling.
The touch reached up to tickle
my ankles, then knees and thighs.
As it clung and passed my source
of creative and sensual pleasure
and then pulled up to my waist,
I understood that I was stuck.

I could see, but
could not reach the grass
and belly flower lined path.
My past was out of touching range.
Where love grasped I had no sense
except its pressure, presence, and advance.
I knew that soon I'd be consumed.

This whole of passion would
cut off worldly light or atmosphere,
immersing me in an unmarked grave of muck.
Any movement or struggling
would speed the course
of the baptism without resurrection.
So with whatever part
of my body that could be moved

I danced.

Submitted on 2006-11-25 15:14:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Written with a great deal of understanding and, of course, skill. Sometimess the chaotic and colorful "muck of love" can be more enticing than the gray solidity of caution. This journey we are all on, hopefully leads to that place where we find the difference. Love is the gentle trap, the heart's cage of bliss, the mind's erotic prison. We all shout, "Take me there!"

You have created a "walk" through life that leads to love, and a beautiful 'walk" it is.

"The whole of passion would
cut off worldly light or atmosphere,"

This is one of my favorite parts of this, but wouldn't it be more precise to say "light and atmosphere,"

I thoroughly enjoyed this stroll through life and its conclusion, which is amazingly strong. I have to FAV this and keep it to read over again and again .

| Posted on 2007-03-13 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
  The end part where you say "I danced" completely shocked me! In a fantastic way! I was excited by how the whole poem braced me for the end.....just to find out the end was anything but ugly. Truly beautiful work!!
| Posted on 2007-01-13 00:00:00 | by shatila | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, lady. This is marvelous. You totally paianted a picture, and it's great that you wrote it in the first person, well at least for me, because I could see the person walking down the path, and walking into the muck of love, and it was simply beautiful. I love the first stanze, where the mist was flating up the bog, and the light shone on it, and I could see what it looked like, and it was beautiful. It matches the beginning of life. All in all, it was a great poem, and I loved it.
| Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
  This is marvelous; earthy fantacies of love, lust and the stirrings of lust, and the human and artistic reaction to it all! No one on earth could have described it so well. Love and lust; it never entreats us shyly, but bulldozes us into a fanciful hole and jumps in with us! Wonderful write!
| Posted on 2006-11-28 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
  very interesting, in a good way. I didn't get it at first, but as you keep reading it makes sense. I like your comparisons and surrender at the end. The line "I danced" was a perfect ending. nice work

| Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by just an angel | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?