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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Muck of Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 317
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1505
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1966



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Muck of Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Prisms of dew create
    elaborately flashy jewels.
    The swamp of life can be beautiful
    in morning sun as the last
    of the nightly mist rises
    and spreads into nothingness.
    I was looking for a path;
    something unexplored,
    at least by me.

    I had been walking
    for an unmeasured segment of time,
    carelessly taken with sensations
    of floral and earthy scents.
    The patterns of light and shadow
    reminded me of an unnamed abstract
    I had seen in an obscure
    side street storefront gallery.
    Perhaps it had been in Pasadena,
    or maybe Bakersfield.

    I was unaware that just ahead
    pieces of presumed security
    had crumbled to grains
    and mixed with tears
    to form a soggy bog.
    Without warning… love
    would be sucking hard
    and attempting to drag me
    deep into its trap.

    The first notice was oozing
    coolness between my toes.
    I stood still enjoying the feeling.
    The touch reached up to tickle
    my ankles, then knees and thighs.
    As it clung and passed my source
    of creative and sensual pleasure
    and then pulled up to my waist,
    I understood that I was stuck.

    I could see, but
    could not reach the grass
    and belly flower lined path.
    My past was out of touching range.
    Where love grasped I had no sense
    except its pressure, presence, and advance.
    I knew that soon I'd be consumed.

    This whole of passion would
    cut off worldly light or atmosphere,
    immersing me in an unmarked grave of muck.
    Any movement or struggling
    would speed the course
    of the baptism without resurrection.
    So with whatever part
    of my body that could be moved

    I danced.




    Submitted on 2006-11-25 15:14:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Written with a great deal of understanding and, of course, skill. Sometimess the chaotic and colorful "muck of love" can be more enticing than the gray solidity of caution. This journey we are all on, hopefully leads to that place where we find the difference. Love is the gentle trap, the heart's cage of bliss, the mind's erotic prison. We all shout, "Take me there!"

    You have created a "walk" through life that leads to love, and a beautiful 'walk" it is.

    "The whole of passion would
    cut off worldly light or atmosphere,"

    This is one of my favorite parts of this, but wouldn't it be more precise to say "light and atmosphere,"

    I thoroughly enjoyed this stroll through life and its conclusion, which is amazingly strong. I have to FAV this and keep it to read over again and again .

    Phil
    | Posted on 2007-03-13 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      The end part where you say "I danced" completely shocked me! In a fantastic way! I was excited by how the whole poem braced me for the end.....just to find out the end was anything but ugly. Truly beautiful work!!
    | Posted on 2007-01-13 00:00:00 | by shatila | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, lady. This is marvelous. You totally paianted a picture, and it's great that you wrote it in the first person, well at least for me, because I could see the person walking down the path, and walking into the muck of love, and it was simply beautiful. I love the first stanze, where the mist was flating up the bog, and the light shone on it, and I could see what it looked like, and it was beautiful. It matches the beginning of life. All in all, it was a great poem, and I loved it.
    Peace.
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2006-12-05 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      This is marvelous; earthy fantacies of love, lust and the stirrings of lust, and the human and artistic reaction to it all! No one on earth could have described it so well. Love and lust; it never entreats us shyly, but bulldozes us into a fanciful hole and jumps in with us! Wonderful write!
    | Posted on 2006-11-28 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      very interesting, in a good way. I didn't get it at first, but as you keep reading it makes sense. I like your comparisons and surrender at the end. The line "I danced" was a perfect ending. nice work

    -angel-
    | Posted on 2006-11-25 00:00:00 | by just an angel | [ Reply to This ]


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