[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Gift That Gave (Revised)dots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 344
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 620
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2615

       ~it's all a matter of trust~

    I shall now attempt to do the impossible and explain by way of expansion what the core of this post is about. For an explanation of part one, skip to part two. For a completely different and much less difficult rendering, skip to part three.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Gift That Gave (Revised)dots

    Part the first: Original Bliss

    In my kingdom there
    is a serum that
    grants great peace
    and dreamless sleep

    although only
    those who've surrendered
    its wealth can
    close heavy lids
    with so little concern

    and how did you
    come by this
    pearl of great price?

    I unburdened the owner
    why do you ask?

    I have a serum
    that serves the same
    purpose, you may
    have tasted its sting
    tickling your lips
    as you tilted your glass
    and drank to my health

    Part the second: Conversation Over Dinner

    So how did you acquire
    this fine work of art?

    The Psalter of Koln?
    The emblem of peace?

    Yes. Of course if you don't
    care to discuss it...

    Oh no. Not at all.
    I obtained it from a collector
    some years ago
    who felt compelled
    to releae it as
    his health failed.

    Such a jewel must be priceless...
    and expensive as hell.

    It is very rare. Actually
    one of a kind. But
    it cost me nothing
    and it pleases me much.

    A gift of such magnitude
    with no strings attached?

    The previous owner was
    the nervous sort.

    His tension was eased
    when I acquired the piece.

    Odd it should bless him
    so well as it left him.

    That appears to be the nature
    of such conflicting wealth.

    And you my young friend?
    Why do you ask?

    First let us toast
    the gift's true nature.
    What better rest
    than dreamless sleep?

    I offer you peace
    in a reciprocal manner.
    Enjoy a deep drink
    as it slips past your lips.

    Your eyes have grown heavy
    and the Psalter is laughing.

    If you happen to cross paths
    with the previous owner
    send my regards.

    I bid you good day.

    Part the third: The Last Revision

    Once upon a time...

    ...the end.

    Submitted on 2006-11-25 19:24:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You know, to me, this 'gift' could be the 'curse/blessing of knowledge', plain and simple. The previous owner didn't want a bar of it, and in fact, it made him quite nervous being in 'possession' of it. So, perhaps it's ignorance that you're talking about here? How some people actually want to remain ignorant? That's always pissed me off--that people actually like being ignorant. I don't mind if they're ignorant due to not knowing, but to not want to know strikes me like a monkey turning the other way when a lion is about to rip him limb from limb. Perhaps people don't want to know this, but I sure as hell do, even if it's unpleasant.

    And that's the crux of the matter--people wanting to avoid the unpleasantness, and turning to other 'fixes' like alcohol to burn that knowledge/those images away.

    Your third part merely reinforces this, albeit in a "well, you're a dumb motherfu.cker and don't really care, so here's the breakdown... there is none... you don't deserve it you ignoranus". Yes, I meant "ignoranus", not "ignoramus" lol.

    I could be totally wrong and babbling, but hey, it happens.


    | Posted on 2006-12-20 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your message Bill and it's very clear to me. The dialogue doesn't bother me because I see things in different perspectives. If one approach doesn't find the meaning, I circle around and find one that does.

    But here's the realistic approach I learned from a priest who happened to be a professor. Moderation is all of it, it's when we dive headfirst into an escape that the wicked liquid is bound to give us problems.

    Another friend described drugs as a doorway to something that is there anyway. I think in our society we've done so much to explain the Divine that no one is listening. And it's in the heart that one finds a higher power and the expansion is a wonderful tool.

    so it's the same as saying guns don't kill people, and alcohol doesn't kill God either, if one is moderate. I'm not here to change anyone's mind either, but the sources of using these things makes them bad, we lose judgement and then as humans
    we're out of control, then we pay prices.

    I totally agree we need to look at these things..


    | Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this, because it's very open and generic when it comes to the applicability of it as a reality. Ugh.. me and my stupid words... It has a few twists that caught me off guard. 'dreamless sleep' read out kind of like "What!?! why??? " but then I reread it and took it in the sense of mere lack of whims - and inherenlty ambition. I hope I'm right about this. The following stanza introduces another !? if you will '...surrender its wealth..' The only wealth it offers is peace and dreamless sleeps, so you're saying to give that up and you will be able to have it anyways. Which is like saying, only the poor, who are poor because they gave all their money away, are truly rich - which is like that moral of money doesn't buy happiness. I guess that turning point int the poem also ties in to the title, which really makes this piece awesome in my mind. The following dialogue puzzled me though, because not only did it work backwards, but it was like.. huh? Because you think, he's drinking her (and don't mind my pick of sexes, it's a guy thing) serum? But isn't he drinking his own serum? And that's where I was like... yeah, maybe that's what he meant. Maybe that's the gift . I also, just as a side note, thought of kissing for some reason when I read the whole 'tickling your lips' thing... Maybe I'm just a horny teen.. who knows...


    Great read ! Nit-pick: Switch up the dialogue a bit, because I didn't find it aesthetically appropriate... you know? The narrating voice narrates and talks both in or with the same characters.. which is very misleading. At for me, and especially on a subconcious level...
    | Posted on 2006-11-26 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Incubus written by monad
    ME written by jjd
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    This written by Chelebel
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    To written by SavedDragon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Giving written by jjd
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    new moon written by CrypticBard




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]