Fotgetful Dreams by Wolfie

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Submission Name: Fotgetful Dreams dots

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Author:	Wolfie
ASL Info:	18/Male/sweden
Elite Ratio:	4.97 - 66/61/37
Words:	87

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	536
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	509

Description:
A sort of a love poem I wrote long ago. It's a part of a story I sould have written long ago

Fotgetful Dreams dots

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To be here
with you in my arms.
Paradise

To feel the warmth of you
smell the scent of your ebony hair.
Heaven

To taste your lips, and fly away with you
to a place where pain is no more
Divine

And yet
It pains me so
To know of your woe
In forgetful dreams I live alone
In those days when we are one
But when morning comes, I must be gone
For you can not remember that I am the one

Submitted on 2006-11-26 16:24:13 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
It seems like there are two parallels in this poem.
First is an instance of actually being with that one love, and another is thinking of that instance. Was it intentional?

I like the first three stanzas, but the last one packs too much into it. May be separating it into two stanzas would the overal flow of the poem? :

And yet
It pains me so
To know of your woe...

...In forgetful dreams I live alone,
In those days when we are one,
But when morning comes, I must be gone,
For you cannot remember that I am the one.

Bu then, it is is your decision as the writer to decide whether that's what you want to do. best of luck!

| Posted on 2006-11-26 00:00:00 | by Ms. DejFruit | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.