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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fotgetful Dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Wolfie
    ASL Info:    18/Male/sweden
    Elite Ratio:    4.97 - 66/61/37
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 536
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 509



    Description:
       A sort of a love poem I wrote long ago. It's a part of a story I sould have written long ago


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFotgetful Dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    To be here
    with you in my arms.
    Paradise

    To feel the warmth of you
    smell the scent of your ebony hair.
    Heaven

    To taste your lips, and fly away with you
    to a place where pain is no more
    Divine

    And yet
    It pains me so
    To know of your woe
    In forgetful dreams I live alone
    In those days when we are one
    But when morning comes, I must be gone
    For you can not remember that I am the one




    Submitted on 2006-11-26 16:24:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It seems like there are two parallels in this poem.
    First is an instance of actually being with that one love, and another is thinking of that instance. Was it intentional?

    I like the first three stanzas, but the last one packs too much into it. May be separating it into two stanzas would the overal flow of the poem? :

    And yet
    It pains me so
    To know of your woe...

    ...In forgetful dreams I live alone,
    In those days when we are one,
    But when morning comes, I must be gone,
    For you cannot remember that I am the one.

    Bu then, it is is your decision as the writer to decide whether that's what you want to do. best of luck!



    | Posted on 2006-11-26 00:00:00 | by Ms. DejFruit | [ Reply to This ]


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