Walking softly on the sands
So as not to disturb the ocean
I screamed into the darkness
Because I felt the notion
No echo followed my wordless cry
The waves swallowed it whole
Then spat they did upon my toes
Their freshly lathered foam
| I really liked reading this poem. You've captured a moment. You, pitted against the vastness of the ocean, your cry cannot reach anything in them, they do not care, they just go on washing away with their waves, and spit your cry right back to you. At the same time, I feel that you are somehow cleansed and liberated in this moment. "Freshly lathered foam". |
I think it is fine as it is.
|| Posted on 2006-11-28 00:00:00 | by Lerlim | [ Reply to This ] || hey owlman... i like this...|
i found that there was great contrast in this piece... the initial tone of it was of quiet reserve.... you said that you walked softly as to not disturb the ocean but then suddenly there is a quick shift of tone- YOU SCREAM!!! i really didn't expect that- lol... but ah, nature sublime! you can not penetrate the awesome creation before you- instead you are the one penetrated and disturbed...
i like this quaint poem... i liked the playfulness of it and the imagery of it was quite vivid in my head...
i fortunately have been to gulf shores and have also walked the sandy shores at evening tide. its quite majestic... i was able to relive that through this piece... thanks.
|| Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by Sacred Sindy | [ Reply to This ] |